Eliminating destruction

Even though in my head and with all rational I should believe he is wrong… that his words should not get to me... BUT THEY DO... I became what he perceived me to be... It started by first trying to convince him of how wrong he is.. but he called that delusions of myself.. By... Continue Reading →

He called me a bad mother!

I cant even begin to write down the words from the pain. I have been trying to get myself together and help myself get out of this destructive environment but i find myself sucked back in the drama. I woke him, with him next to me, he's been finding other places to sleep on in... Continue Reading →

Personality Traits; Stubbon – Part 2

I have been told that I am stubborn throughout my childhood by my mom and then later by my husband. The two people who I have felt controlled by. They have labeled me and didn’t even care to understand why. After realising that defensiveness is part of what I have decided to become, out of protection... Continue Reading →

Personality Traits – Part 1

After another deeper session into my being, the decision I made as a little girl became clearer. I made a decision as a 5 year old child, that "I am stupid", but it came to me in a way that was so defensive. NO, I am Not Stupid. I know ... stupid is a very... Continue Reading →

My undefinable personality?

In my quest to self-development, I was asked to write down 15 of my personality traits in order to link them to the maybe decision I took when I was barely 8. The decision that I am weak, shy and not capable. I have been trying to get on it for almost a week now.... Continue Reading →

Do i have something valuable to add?

Dear Husband, You came home late last night. I am guessing you were still at that conference, or maybe left and went somewhere after that. Could a conference last until 12 midnight? Maybe, how would I know? I tried not to ask so much. But, you came back, expecting me to be all sweet and welcoming. I... Continue Reading →

Is it only in my head

The other day we were taking our daughter for her first day to KG, he didn't have to come. He never did with our 5 yr old. But sure that should be a nice thing. Husband: When are we gonna go down? Me: We go down 7:45. Husband: Why not earlier? Me: Because we need... Continue Reading →

Seriously; I’m depressed

You come and tell me that i am like a depressed little girl looking for things to get pissed at. That after your screaming and shouting and unstoppable criticism. You barley took a breath. So what, am i supposed to do? Press a reset button and be all sweet and cute and hop on u... Continue Reading →

GET OUT! GET OUT!

I know what i would be so bluntly told. GET OUT, just GET OUT. Get out of this toxic environment, because nothing will ever change. Because he has never added anything to your life, but in fact he has made you feel more worthless than you already feel. That you he will never view you... Continue Reading →

The ‘You and I’ romantic trip – Part 1.

Dear Husband, Do you remeber this trip? The one i was begging for for 6 years since we got married. The one you finally agreed to travel with me on when i was 7 months pregnant and made me stay half of it in a country i have already visited in a place i didn't... Continue Reading →

Affected by your look

Dear Husband I cant help but get affected by the way u shake your head when i start talking. The despise on ur face when you hear anything i say is like a knife through my soul. I hold my breath and start talking so fast to get my thoughts out, they come out crumbled... Continue Reading →

Will you ever give me Satisfaction?

Dear Husband, What is it with you narcissistic people? Do enjoy not giving comfort to others? Is it satisfactory for you to belittle the person when they are right and degrade them when they are wrong? We havent been talking (except for necessities) the past week, and yet here i am waiting for a validation... Continue Reading →

She woke up breathless

She woke up breathless tears socking in her eyes .. and the pillow beneath her couldn't handle all the cries Disillusioned by a nightmare that hasn’t appeared to her in years Was it because her life has crumbled and the years spent has proven inept? Was it because she missed the life she no longer... Continue Reading →

KARINA, my husband’s friend

Dear Husband, I write you this since you have denied me the right to even talk to you about it. You have threatened me painful threats if I do dare to talk about her. Told me that your relationship with her is your thing and too deep for my humble mind to understand. You have... Continue Reading →

Should I care, when you’re ill?

You came home after some business meeting today and you looked pretty ill. If it were anyone else I would have been attentive, I would have sprung up and brought you food, a warm drink and cradled with love and a kiss. But you aren't anyone else. You are the husband who blamed me when... Continue Reading →

The Need for approval is Toxic

Dear Husband, I am tried of waiting for your approval after 10 years of marriage. For you to fall in love with me again or maybe ever. I am tried of waiting for you to appreciate me and my mind. To value me as a person, wife and mother. To think of me as someone... Continue Reading →

Dear Husband

I have been in tears all morning, thinking of what you think of me and what you made me think of myself. That i am a mindless, philosophy-less, immature shame of a wife. That i will and never accomplish anything because i have no focus. That i will never be appreciated nor respected by you.... Continue Reading →

Dear Husband,

I love being in love and i hate being in love with you You hurt and crush You somehow burn the love Isn't it hard being so passionately  cruel I understand the boredom and understand the airless life we have. i feel a hole in my gut and breath with a stone down my throat... Continue Reading →

A letter to Myself

Remember these thoughts as the days pass by, and promise yourself you will read them more often than you should. 1. You will not believe in anything simply because you've heard it and it is rumored by many. You will not believe in anything simply on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after... Continue Reading →

My friend just lost her child

I have been hearing the news over and over in my head and disbelief is all what comes to mind. I cannot imagine any pain more severe than that suffered when a child passes. But what I can say is; we do not know why these things happen to the innocent souls in our lives,... Continue Reading →

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