What am I doing?

Dear Husband,

I write you here the things I am denied to tell u in person, the words that when I utter I am berated and belittled. I am constantly asked shut-up or threatened to be called names or beaten. This will be my venting world that I am disallowed in reality. You say I am unable to let go of a conversation and do not know when to stop, so before I explode with madness, I am writing you these for the world to listen, if anyone ever will.

I have always loved to write and was mesmerised by how little words in a sentence can mean a lot and trigger so many emotions. However, and through out the years that i have known, you have done nothing but make fun of words and writings and books.. etc. So here I am again, trying to rejuvenate my love for the written words,

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Years have passed and day-by-day I grow lonelier and more desperate to speak. I want to share my experiences even if very little. I want to share my feelings and thoughts and my take on matters life changing be it or not. i want to take your advice, but be able to debate it and give out of what I have seen and learnt just by mere observation. You say I have not proven my qualifications and abilities and utilized my life, although given opportunities to do so, to be allowed to do just that. Nevertheless, I have been observing and consuming all the emotions and thoughts and happenings around me in a way that makes me eligible to converse.

I just want to vent and have a documentation of what is happening inside my world. Either one-day for you to actually listen or for my babies to learn from my documented experiences.

You have been capable of altering my clearly visible truth that I have become blind of my own reality. So here goes trying to document whatever I can remember of my truth without being shut up.

Best regards,

Your still existing wife

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