The Need for approval is Toxic

Dear Husband,

I am tried of waiting for your approval after 10 years of marriage. For you to fall in love with me again or maybe ever. I am tried of waiting for you to appreciate me and my mind. To value me as a person, wife and mother. To think of me as someone worthwhile. To resect me and not look down at me. I am tried of being scared of your mental infatuations in others and how when you look at them, you look down at me. I am tried of feeling the need to prove not only to you but to them that i am not worthless and dark and destructive and unappreciative as you claim to them i am.

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When i show fragility, you see it as weakness. When i’m trying but self-conscious, you see it as deficiency and fault. And when i show boldness and self respect, you translate it into arrogance and unsupported sense of superiority.

I am tired of being judged by you all the time and criticised according to your standards and in their eyes.

 

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