Do i have something valuable to add?

Dear Husband,

You came home late last night. I am guessing you were still at that conference, or maybe left and went somewhere after that. Could a conference last until 12 midnight? Maybe, how would I know? I tried not to ask so much. But, you came back, expecting me to be all sweet and welcoming.

I have been trying to avoid you those past two weeks, since I tried to talk to you about your relationship with her and you threatened me and shut me up. Since I am as usual not allowed to get angry or converse with you about any of my frustrations, I kept to myself. But sad is an emotion you have no right to control. For years, I would tell myself, get over your sadness and move on, maybe he would appreciate you taking the high road about whatever is it I should be angry about is trivial as he explains it. But nice? How am I supposed to do that?

You asked if i wanted to watch a movie with you. All what i said was; NO, I don’t want to watch a movie with you. And the insulting monologue started, with hypothetical questions, I was not given a chance to answer.

You put my act on a trial, judged it and sentenced me to being ignorant, uneducated and lame.

You share your life and our life chatting with strangers on your phone. You complain about me to people i do not know and allow them to place judgments on my behaviors. You plan your days and nights and weekends and vacations with others and I am the last to know, if ever. You call me time abusive if i try to understand or complain about how unappreciated and ignorant and miserable i am.

You judge me and not give me a chance to defend myself. And if i push to be heard, more than one sentence and it is taking too much of your time. That I have nothing of value to add to you or your development and only disrespect your precious time.

Maybe i don’t, maybe i am all what he claims me to be and that i am some drama driven burden of a wife, that has nothing to add.

But even silence u don’t allow me now?

 

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