I have been told that I am stubborn throughout my childhood by my mom and then later by my husband. The two people who I have felt controlled by. They have labeled me and didn’t even care to understand why.
After realising that defensiveness is part of what I have decided to become, out of protection of my soul, I can safely evaluate and explore the why and the how.
My stubbornness is a simple pain-avoidance mechanism. Perhaps, because they both have threatened my freedom by being controlling, possessive and want to make all the decisions. Thus, this stubbornness was seemingly always my way to regain my freedom.
My stubbornness stems from feeling so protective and defensive of my opinions and thoughts and decisions and ideas and beliefs and values, against the repeated harsh scrutinisation and criticism and threats. The treats of not being respected and belittled. I have became overprotective of them, to an extent of stubbornness. In return, I know, it hindered my growth and affected my acceptance of change, any change, especially when it is offered by the very same people that I have been defensive from.
Therefore, I agree, I have to change that, but it took me so long to even understand where it came from. Is that even possible?
Do remember, dear husband, I was not one bit stubborn when we started dating; on the contrary, I was very easy going and full of admiration of your thoughts and views. In fact, I am not with anyone else but you now. So you shouldn’t be shocked or clueless of why I changed with you over the years. Just pay attention to history.
Will analyze more in my head and will continue in another post.