Teach your babies/toddlers sign language

During my pregnancy with my first daughter I started to panic … well for many reasons... but one of my fears were that I would not be able to understand her… know what she wants or what she’d be crying for. I was always told, that I as a mother would know… how sure are... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

Eliminating his Perception

Even though in my head and with all rational I should believe he is wrong… that his words should not get to me... BUT THEY DO... I became what he perceived me to be... It started by first trying to convince him of how wrong he is.. but he called that delusions of myself.. By... Continue Reading →

In Silence we Kissed

In secret we met In silence we kissed Heaven be it or earth the vow is now broken How could the soul forget? In silence we kissed In seconds we stopped Could ever something so sinful feel that right? In pride it will pass the yearning, the hunger, and the lust In silence we’ll honour... Continue Reading →

Gratefulness of feeling respected

I was one step away from breaking my marital vows. It was scary, different and completely and utterly out of my skin. I went with a flow of a plan.. I don’t know how far i was going to go through with it at the end, but i took it one step at a time..... Continue Reading →

In or Out?

Sitting here in the empty living room, he has decided to move out to our supposedly new place away from my mother’s realm, thinking about where I stand in this marriage. His theory is, we’ve been told to leave - I’ll get to why in a bit -, lets move out and then figure out... Continue Reading →

Can infidelity help a marriage survive?

While being in the midst of asking for separation and meanwhile liking and enjoying the company of another... I have been thinking about infidelity a lot... whether by a husband or a wife with single partners or for two married couples… First of all, I should put it out there that I believe that it... Continue Reading →

The next day of the … well of the violence

After the beating, things got really complicated specially that’s been two and a half months. Anyway this is about the next day... and the rest will take a faster pace... The day of, he was packing to leave. It took him around 6 hours to pack. I got the kids from my mom’s downstairs and... Continue Reading →

Sex after Abuse

For years I wanted him in our bed... I wanted him to come sleep next to me… to cuddle me and spoon me and kiss my neck while I slept... For years I fantasized about him coming in between my sheets … stoke my body and run his fingers down my back… as he breathed... Continue Reading →

Why do we feel Jealous?

Jealousy mainly occurs when a precious connection towards someone is threatened. The insecurities of not feeling valuable or valued enough to sustain the other person’s interest in them, whether stemming from one’s own mind or generated through lack of honesty and hidden secrets, is the main source of jealousy.

I understand!

Our lives have intertwined in ways that cannot be unbinded; we’ve seen the love, the hate and the stagnation in between. Most of the time we try to forget what was said and the details of what was done, but Maya Angelou once said, people will never forget how you made them feel. And this... Continue Reading →

Why I called him!

It never came easy for me to share my thoughts and feelings; it was always hard to find comfort talking and not think... I must sound smart for them to respect me... but I found a friend I can talk to. I never allowed myself that luxury during my marriage. A no judgment zone that... Continue Reading →

Erasing Good by Doing Bad

I came to a point in my marriage, where i have been all through the years very faithful even in my thoughts .. that i found myself being attracted to another. I started deleting messages and being scared of being caught, although it’s just words and mostly intellectual conversations we share. But he my husband... Continue Reading →

It is definitely on me

Given the history of my marriage and my constant failed trails to making it work, it is what it is, I accepted abuse! Maybe because of his witful ways of always making me feel not good enough or that it is me who pushed him over the edge and made him violent ... maybe because... Continue Reading →

My first sign of being abusable

I was sexually assaulted... ... ... I was 9 or 10 years old and he was first year of Med School, (that’s equivalent to premed, but he was only 17 at the time). We were at the pool at the Club, and I was this shy girl, putting up a poker face of I’m not... Continue Reading →

Becoming love

I watched this movie the other day, recommended by a person I dearly respect, collateral beauty. Highly recommended by the way. But a word struck me. Edward Norton tried to explain his love for his daughter and said, “I realized I wasn’t feeling love, I had become love.” Exactly, parents are love, they shape the way their... Continue Reading →

I’m still learning

I’m still learning how to not have expectations when u’re around I plan alone and try not think if ever u’re gonna join I see u make arrangements and wonder if u’ll ever ask me to come along   I’m still learning not to care Not to feel and not to show I’m still learning... Continue Reading →

The day of the beating

The day of.. i had a sleepless night feeding the puppies and the eldest girl waking up several times.. one of the puppies starting getting really sick and i have already lost a pup 5 days before. Yes, i’ve been told, it’s v hard to keep them alive without the mom, but it’s still heart... Continue Reading →

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