The day of.. i had a sleepless night feeding the puppies and the eldest girl waking up several times.. one of the puppies starting getting really sick and i have already lost a pup 5 days before. Yes, i’ve been told, it’s v hard to keep them alive without the mom, but it’s still heart breaking. I called him in where the puppies were that morning and asked him if there is anything i could do? I knew he was dying, but i had to ask, two min later he died on my lap. So i was going down to burry him, i wrapped him and told him i’m going down. He said but i have to go down as well in an angry tone.
He’s an angry person, so i tried not to make a fuss about it and put on the poker face that i am very much in control of my emotions about it and told him i wont be long at all. Also my kids were in the room, so i did not want to alarm them about the dog.
As i was walking out the door i thought to myself what if he’s still not dead and so i called him again to merely ask to make sure. It was a sleepless night and i could easily be mistaken. He came again, this time a tad more angry and told me he’s checked him and said yes he’s gone. I told ok, thanks, i will wait to burry him and you should go about ur day and i didn’t want him to be late.
I wanted to ask when exactly is going down, but was afraid of his temper, because I also wanted to take the dog for a walk, and if does go down, how would i had to take the girls with me coz i couldn’t leave them home alone. Anyways i put that all on hold, coz it seamed that he is in such a rush.
I decided to clean up the mess he always leaves around, we have no help, but what the hell, that didn’t stop him from leaving everything lying around.
He went in for a shower and came out an hr later, lingering in the house as if no hurry at all. So as i was cleaning i said “if u knew u were going to take all that long, u could’ve told me and i would have at least walked the dog meanwhile”. And hell broke loose.. he told me MY TIME is MY TIME, you have NO RIGHT to abuse it.. abuse it??! Seriously!! He kept going, u barely take care of the kids or house because of those damn puppies. I never told u, i was ok with keeping them.. How on earth would i have known that when he never said he was not. So i shouted back, and it’s not really in me to shout or call him off on his bluffs..
“ I have been wanting to talk to u for a month now .. a month, u delay and linger and make up lame excuses and shut me up whenever i open up any subject. U never want to talk to me .. I am tired of shutting up” … meanwhile i started looking for my phone. He cornered me against the wall and started screaming and screaming with his nose pushed against mine. God knows what he was saying coz suddenly i realised our daughters were right there. I held the caller of his jacket and told him ur daughter is standing right behind u in a whisper.. with an open fist his smashed the side of my head so hard that i felt it from my other side. I pushed him away and went on screaming… u’re crazy.. i am tired of ur anger and threats of beating me up and i was crying. He followed me to the kids room and kept saying that i should just stop talking, that he didn’t want to hear my voice and put his fist in my mouth, so deep inside that i was gonna choke.. so i bit him, and suddenly i looked down and my two girls were looking at me with tears in their eyes.
He went in to wash his hands and kept telling them mummy bit me.. showing off his blood in the sink. All i wanted is find my phone, so i kept looking, and talking to myself with tears down my face that i told him to leave before, but he didn’t.. why doesn’t he just leave.. if he hates talking to me so much… if he wants nothing to do with me why doesn’t he just leave.. so came after me saying, why don’t u leave. And it hit me … why, the hell not.. so i went for the door, grabbed the keys and told him.. ok i will. I opened the apartment door and pressed the elevator button, i was gonna go down to my mom’s. Nothing dramatic.
He came after me, pulled my hair and pulled me with it back inside. The cleaning man was standing there. He’s a 70 yr old man who has known me almost my entire life, used to pick me up from the school bus, if my mom had to work late and helped me carry my school bag. He is one of the kindest person ever. I saw tears down his eyes and cried from him to help. He stood there, barely able to move.
My mom’s maid Farrah was for somehow inside our apartment by then and i have no idea when she came in, she was carrying our 3yr old and holding the 5yr old by the hand, so i told her to please take the kids down to my mom’s.. he started yelling, no one is leaving.. the kids r staying here and u with them.. NO ONE IS LEAVING.
I walked as fast as i could for our bed room, he kept on yelling .. u r not a mother for leaving ur kids behind … and .. and … more than i can remember. I yelled back all i wanted to do it to talk…
I suddenly found him standing in front of me.. pushed me to the floor and starting swearing at me, pulling my hair and punched me in the face.. so i told him he was crazy and swore back, he heard me swearing and with all his power he pulled me up and threw me on the bed, came on top and punched me in the face again.. suddenly .. i saw splashing of blood everywhere.. everywhere. On the bed, on my clothes, on his face .. i started to panic!
I called my mom up, to tell her, can she please come up and take the kids. I didn’t want to worry her or tell her anything, but i remember saying please please come up the kids don’t want to go down with Farrah.
A bit later she came up, saw my face all bruised up and she panicked, she didn’t somehow didn’t grasp what was going on. He came and told her ur daughter is vulgar and so she angry told him, my daughter is NOT. And the she told him to go down to his meeting and we would talk about this later.
After he did, i begged her to take the girls down and …. well to be continued