I came to a point in my marriage, where i have been all through the years very faithful even in my thoughts .. that i found myself being attracted to another. I started deleting messages and being scared of being caught, although it’s just words and mostly intellectual conversations we share. But he my husband would definitely not understand that.. he would use it against me and it would erase all the goodness I ever put into the marriage, all the sacrifices and even his abuse. He WILL use it to even erase his abuse!
And then a very disturbing thought came to me tonight.. maybe i, although not defending his violence by any means nor excusing it, am also constantly using his abuse to erase all the good he has ever done and all the bad i have??!!