I was one step away from breaking my marital vows. It was scary, different and completely and utterly out of my skin.
I went with a flow of a plan.. I don’t know how far i was going to go through with it at the end, but i took it one step at a time..
I wanted it.. I wanted to feel the intimacy of lust and friendship .. I wanted to sink in that person’s soul and feel my heartbeat within him..
I don’t know if the guilt was holding me back or the sinfulness of it.. I don’t know if anger or lust was driving me forward ..
It was against all rational considering what my marriage is going through..
It was against all ethics for he is married as well and there is another wife i am going to unwillingly hurt..
but it fell apart..
And ironically.. it wasn’t my call, albeit every word he said I felt to my bones..
But I felt something that I haven’t felt in a while..
I felt appreciation … that I have someone that is a sounding board to himself and mine..
I felt that i wanted him in my life more than the lust for him..
I felt respected.. not abused..
I felt understood..
And for that I am today grateful