After years of emotional and verbal abuse, I believe I have lost the ability to understand the difference between an abusive controlling relationship and regular relationship conflicts… I have lived in the abnormal for so long that my inner scale to tell what is normal behavior and what isn’t has completely lost its balance.
Where is the line drawn? How do normal people talk or fight? What are my basic rights?
When is being rude tolerable and when it isn’t? Is swearing normal when the situation isn’t? … Is he actually swearing at me and berating me or just the act? Should he be swearing at all or in some situations it is not literally intended?
Is he trying to control me, or are these normal martial demands? Should I consider his wordings abusive when for example he says things like: You are not allowed to go to certain places without me… or if he touches u like this again I will fuck both of u, u disgrace of a mother… or I don’t want you practicing yoga again and spreading your legs for other men! Would he have felt the same had I’ve been ugly and fat, but because I am not, he calls me not decent and ill-mannered.
These r not random words… this is my daily life! Literally everyday he has something insulting or critical or controlling to say!
And again… if I am so terrible and he sees me as some kind disobeying man magnet, who is a terrible wife and an irresponsible mother, he wants to control… why is he not leaving?! Why is he still controlling my life??… Is he doing all this because I told him to leave? Why this sudden interest in me, and what I do? Maybe because I’m finally over the mummy only phase and he feels threatened? Is this his strange ass way for showing me that he changed??… Damn it… is this his big turnover change after working in himself?