I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen.
One of them has been recently divorced after an 8 year marriage, from which he and his ex-wife came out very amicably. They are still friends, have family outings and plan their kids’ trips and birthday parties together. “We simply were never in love” he said. He left her the house, car and still pays all his kids and hers expenses. The other is a life long friend who is now a wonderful 1-year relationship with an amazing person.
They kept stating the fact that I am in abusive relationship and cannot see the world on the other side of the fence and it somehow sounded rehearsed them using the word abusive, abused, violence like 50 times. They went on about how I’m supposed to cut my losses and move on. That I should do it for myself and life will be better then no matter how scared I am… that the longer I wait the harder it is going to be.
However, they also told me that it wouldn’t be easy or simple to be alone and a single mom… that I would have to start my life from scratch, emotionally, financially and logistically. They said that being in a country and society that leaves any stay-at-home mother over a barrel if she dares to divorce, I will be screwed anyways, so better now than when I’m older. I will have to learn to deal with the stigma of being divorced and how he would react if I ever dare to have another person in my life.
They also told me that he would not take it easily, his ego and pride will kick in and he will retaliate in rage and blame and later in how he will deal with the situation.
So was this their intension of their intervention? To make it even more difficult to talk to him? They somehow managed to scare me even more. I don’t want to have it hard, life has been hard on me already. I told them that after 11 years of investing in this marriage, he at least has to provide for a place for us to live and a car to commute. I have been saving for him out of my own luxury and that these are my only requests.
I asked them to sit with me while I ask for a separation and try to make him understand how decent it has to be for the kids and ourselves… to help me negotiate the terms of our agreement. They said, they would, but probably he wouldn’t agree… so now I am to tell him again that I want to separate and stir up his raging ego all over again!