I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed…
But anyways… I was totally winning and at some point … I lost focus for what seamed like a minute, misread a card on the table and lost my hand … all because of a chorus of a song that was playing in the background… I haven’t heard it for a few years and probably was not really listening then! John Legend – All of me:
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
In my head I was like … ohhh… this is where I’ve fucked up! He never really did love all of me, he never really ever accepted my imperfections, let alone love them or call them perfect!! Well… neither did I for him, although I did accept his for the longest time, managed to live with them, but never did love them! But he haaaated mine, needed to change me every chance he could and abused his strength in doing so, and I trusted him enough to believe that I did need to change, because if I sucked to him… I sucked!
I remembered a conversation with my best friend’s boyfriend, now husband, years back; I was complaining about this tick she has of biting her inner lip repeatedly that everyone who knew her got annoyed by… and he looked at me and said: Why do you want her to stop? I love it!
So this is what love is? Calling your partner’s imperfections perfect! And loving them as a whole including all the imperfections, not despite of them! But does that really exist?!
Not only that, in order to say you truly love someone, you need to truly know of ALL of them and love them as they truly are… knowing all their flaws, trivial ones and undying ones and respecting and loving and accepting them. It’s knowing their experiences and what made them who they are… what shaped their being… what made part of them rough and what made part of them frail… it is appreciating them at their best, and knowing that at their worst, their best is still obvious… It is also knowing absurd and useless information about them … Knowing their imperfections, their cravings, their manias, their fetishes, their insecurities… knowing how to read them and being comfortable with them in silence, where this silence is not a void that needs to be filled… not only that, it is also willing to live the dynamic experience of their changes!
So anyways I lost a perfectly winnable hand because of this song! I don’t even like the tune, but it has been stuck in my head and keeps repeating itself over and over in my ear for the past two days!!!