In his book, Born A Crime, Trevor Noah the comedian talks about his mother. He says that she wanted to have a child to experience unconditional love; growing up she didn’t feel loved by her parents and she wanted to be unconditionally loved. Different people have children for different reason, which runs through the complete spectrum from extreme selfishness to the extreme selflessness.
My mother had my sister and I for nothing but a complete selfish need she wanted to fulfill; so we would serve her when she got old! Now because of that, every min we are away or not under her command or not abiding my her wishes is of course a disappointment! She made sure to set the scene right, with all the props! She now says,I sacrificed my life for you, and now I deserve my return!
Why did I want to have a child?… Well… I didn’t that much! I never felt the need to bare a person inside of me. I genuinely thought that there was too much ugliness in the world to intentionally bring a child into it, specially that I would be the one responsible for what it becomes and does… I, me, the person who still is oblivious of life, who was born to a cold blunt worried pessimistic narcissistic mother and completely apathetic fate-guided father!
I sometimes got the urge to adopt an orphan child, because no matter how shitty I was going to raise her/him, they’d still probably be better off than dealing drugs at the age 5! Or maybe not, maybe I’d be the reason he becomes a criminal when he grows up! And of course, the fact that I was one foot in one foot out of my marriage never helped!
Little did I know, I have two beautiful crazy girls that I’m probably fucking up their psychology as I go.
Actually, my first child was totally planned… and what made me plan her, was my mother! The most person who wanted me to get out of my marriage and hated my husband… of course she doesn’t say it bluntly, but she does! She kept saying you are losing your child baring years, the possibility of you conceiving is already very little, so why not try! I was thinking, well I didn’t listen to her when she told me to marry him; I will not do that again and she might finally calm down after and finally admits that this marriage exists! Plus, that specific year we had our first-born, it was a very calm year for us, no fights, we were much better than the preceding 6. So we planned it and here she is… now the second was horny miracle! But you what they say: The first is for the marriage, the second is for the first and the third is for you.
New souls come into this world every day… new beings… new energy… new creations! Tiny humans, that have no idea what is to become of them, parents who have no idea of the higher purpose of why they have their children. For most it is merely their basic instinct of reproduction talking, baby fever or leaving behind a kin, or something of that sort, so what if we all just follow our basic instincts in everything!?? Do we have something extra to teach them or specific knowledge to pass on? Do we have even the know-how of how to raise a healthy minded child? Are we going to raise more narcissists or more empaths?… Who are you adding to this life and Why?