Would you rather stay in a marriage for the sake of your children, a marriage where you lack intimacy and passion and where you do not get to show your kids what a healthy loving relationship looks like and maybe expand you family for the better interest of your child or would you rather leave regardless of the consequences for the unknown on the other side?
This was the discussion I had with a friend of mine the other day. She got divorced with an only child because the marriage grew cold and it was merely about the logistics of their son’s life. She ran out with only her suitcase and her son to be a single mom in a man’s only world because she didn’t want to raise him in an environment where love is no longer served.
In comparison to mine, that would be marriage heaven for me by the way.
She’s now remarried with a 2yr old and pregnant with her 3rd child (second in her new marriage). Fortunately, her family grew bigger and happier in just 3 years of marriage, right before her 40th Birthday. But when she opted out of her first marriage, it wasn’t anywhere even in the back of her mind that she would ever be in any other steady relationship, let alone remarried with two other kids to be a family of 5.
Anyways, … Is there such a thing as a healthy loving relationship ideal enough to raise your children in? Isn’t it enough for the parents to share similar value systems and agree on the how and the where to raise their offsprings, agree on how to share logistics with decency and gratitude and compassion regardless of passion? Or is it like my friend claims, that compassion and gratitude eventually dies with too much frigidity, reservedness and coldness.
If you choose to leave, is it not unnatural for children to not see any marriage at all? Will the struggle of being a single parent eventually overspill on your child and he/she will carry the burden of it somehow? Will they feel abandoned when a parent moves out along with whatever potential effects of not having a father/mother around?
If you choose to stay.. does that mean you have given up on being and showing what love is to your kids? Will they become aloof or unfriendly people who barely know how to show love or passion? Will they eventually feel the coldness and start comparing their parents to others? Will inherit your loveless way of love to create a new generation of passionless relationships?
However, by all means it would definitely be better than mine, who will probably inherit an abusive submissive way of love to create their generation of… emotional s&m, so to say!