I haven’t posted anything in a while and that’s not because I’m lazy nor that I do not have anything to write about, on the contrary I have been writing a lot, …
it’s just that I cannot get myself to reread my writings. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic with petty repetitive problems..
There’s a saying by Laurence J. Peter that says: Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret; well maybe writing when I’m angry might make me feel better..
So I decided to write this, without even looking back, just merely brainstorming how I feel: WHY I’M ANGRY:
- I’m angry for being so week to take myself out of abusive relationships
- I’m angry for being so afraid all the time.. that i’m always in a defensive mode from an unexpected attack that i do not know when and where it’s going to sneak up on me
- I’m angry for feeling so guilty, a feeling I cannot stop from building up everyday.
- I’m angry for being who I am!
- I’m angry for being so financially dependent and yet logistically stuck with the kids that i cant do anything about it
- I’m angry at my lack of self-confidence… for always thinking I cant and I have absolutely no one that tells me I can
- I’m angry for letting myself be objectified in this marriage; being used as a sex toy only to realise that this is the only thing he sees me for and yet so afraid of saying no to deal with the consequences of his behaviour
- I’m angry because I feel that I would never be loved or wanted except as a sex object.. is that the only thing that men want from me??!!!
- I’m frustrated for being shut up because I am not saying the right things that would make me being heard through
- I’m angry because I feel stuck in this vicious cycle and nothing is changing but calendar dates. Life and age and lack of freedom have been creeping up on me for the longest time
- I’m angry for not having the freedom nor the guts to just leave silently
- I’m angry for not being able to get angry when I want to
- I am sick and tired of the people I have opened up to and who say they care when they probably don’t give a damn.. and for them caring is dropping in a text every now and then.
- I’m angry that I ever let anyone in, them knowing and still not helping or supporting or being there hurts more than anything.
- I’m angry because I shouldn’t have told a soul about what he did to me and how he treats me, now it’s out there and i’m still here, with him under the same roof!!
- I’m angry because I feel like I’m loosing hope of ever getting out of this vicious cycle of nothingness and the only thing moving forward is age
- I’m angry that I was made a woman in this sexist world … but that is a topic for another time I guess!