In another Life…

I need you, I need one of those hugs that fill the soul with hope and love and warmth. I need someone who knows me, deepest and darkest and most vulnerable me. I need a support system and I know I’m never going to have one nor have anyone to tell me that it is going to be ok no matter what choice I decide to take. I need to take a choice I know, I know that … I need to move forward and find myself again, no matter what that is! But I am stagnant and terrified and lonely and tired and I don’t know if there is any repair to this petrifying state I am in.

I want to stop this rollercoaster of a life and hear the silence in your heartbeat… 

I am sorry I blamed you or acted like I hated you … I didn’t mean it… I missed you and I didn’t get a chance to tell you that, or off load my chest! 

You have died so long ago, and with you died the only heart that probably ever knew me, accepted me and loved me for who I was not how I look or how I made them feel… 

Well maybe not so true… there might be this just one person who I find comfort to disclose who I am to without judgment… he’s so much like you… with all your kinkiness and faults and compulsiveness… with your kindness and consciousness and warmth… with that hug that I could certainly use right now… but improved I guess! Perhaps in another life you would have lived longer and I had met him earlier…

Though he is not available for me like I was not available for you. You would have liked him in my life! But you would have defiantly not liked what has become of me… 

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