We met again.. Same place… less time…

So we met again… This time I asked for it, I was horny and I missed him! It took me an hour to gather my guts to text him, afraid of rejection maybe or scared that he had had gotten bored already or that I might seem desperate, specially since my breakdown last week. But finally I did…

I was done processing and even if I don’t fully get all the parameters of this affiliation, I do understand and accept it’s limitations. In fact its limitations is what makes it appealing and accessible to me… sensible… practical… and after breaking it down to the core, it became clearer. This is all what I want now and more importantly this is all I can offer. Putting an end to it or setting a time frame to it made it forbidden and we all know happens with forbidden things and maybe was part of what terrified me a little…

However, what I do know; is that under no circumstances can I currently be with anyone who isavailable. As bad or unethical as that may sound, I actually like the fact that he isn’t available, simply because I am not. Nor do I have the energy or time or space to make an investment into any relationship nor have a regular person in my life demanding more sex or attention than I have the stamina for. No way can I be responsible for anyone’s feelings nor need anyone to have to tiptoe over mine. I defiantly do not want anyone who has me under a microscope and until my marriage sorts itself out this arrangement makes sense. It being causal makes it liberating…

In addition to that, I do not want to find someone else, I am comfortable with him, I trust him and I don’t want to go looking for someone else that I might or might not connect with. I still don’t understand how he got me to open up in the first place and letting anyone else in is terrifying to say the least. This lustful friendship or affair or casual sex with a friend or whatever you want to call it … actually may be my best-case scenario given the current circumstances of the both of us. This, what I have to give for now and for now I really do not want more that what he has to offer…

Like everything in life it’s bound to come to an end or change its current state… sooner or later this will as well… I’m going to stop going to his side of town, either of us will get bored or it will stop making sense… thus, until then why not enjoy my time with a person I feel comfortable with… a connection that makes me feel free and alive… a person who amuses me with his cheekiness… one I trust that wouldn’t intentionally hurt me… and turns me the fuck on… So, until this has proven painful for either of us… I like my fuck buddy.

It was a bit over 7 hours before I got home waiting for my little one to finish, traffic was a bitch and enduring the rain… although the rain was the actually calming. Still… I could smell him on me… it made me smile every time I smelt it and every time I remember his moaning sounds and… I swear I am about to cum a little.

It wasn’t one bit scary like last time, in fact more comfortable, although not a bit less intense… given also that I have been really horny the past few days, boobs screaming with pain to be touched and wet almost all the time.

I am comfortable being free with him, dare I say I’m happy with my guards down with him… like I have been deprived of life and once again given a chance to breathe again… I love kissing him and I enjoy his touch and fucked by him… and I slept like a baby last night and can barely move a muscle… and until we meet again, I’m content!

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