Unfamiliar Territory…

I am currently in an unfamiliar territory. A territory where I have and am showing more of myself than I ever have… at times it feels comfortable and liberating and at others it is awfully scary.

It is definitely nice to have a sexual partner to share with all the experiences I have never dared to try or even mention before, but when that partner is someone I have so easily connected with on a personal level and share my rock bottoms and high highs with, someone who is familiar with my rationalities, rashness and outbursts of panic, it somehow became a more intimate and undefinable relationship… something I cannot put in a specific box…

It crosses my mind to ask him what he’s thinking or what, what happened between us has made him feel… and then I tell myself if he wanted to share than he would have…

I am not and never was one to crave for attention or nag for communication and I do trust the no judgment zone we both promised to keep safe, so why do I care so much that I feel more exposed to him than he is to me… why have I become so self-conscious about uncovering my vulnerabilities and thoughts to him… why does it scare me…

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