Violence Relapse…

It has been a year since his last physical abuse with me, but like so many have told me, if he did it once, he’ll do it again.

New years eve was our eldest daughter’s birthday; turning 6. We have always had this tradition to go dress shopping that morning just me and her together, but the day before we all went shopping for a few hours, because we really needed some winter stuff, so she told me she didn’t want to go shopping again tomorrow and we had already bought her a few dresses and there was only this coat she wanted, so she told me to go buy it alone. The night before I told him that I would go shop a little in the morning before we’d again go meet his family and he was sarcastic, but seamed ok with it.

Nevertheless, that morning, after I had already gotten dresses and I was ready to go out the door, he went crazy. He literally started screaming and screaming at me, like a crazy person; that I had no right to go out, that it’s her birthday. I told him, I needed to buy some stuff and that I also need some me time to breath, and that I only needed an hour and half. I could not breath with him down my throat since we came, and he goes out at night and leaves me with the girls alone I didn’t have one minute for myself since we arrived. He said you don’t have to do it on her birthday, but none of them were anywhere close to ready and why does he for once get them ready ever. So I just left him screaming there…

The minute I came back, which was less than two hours, he was in flames… no one was still ready, he was tidying around the house for once, while screaming at the kids for playing on the floor and their toys on the floor. He then started screaming at me… told me that it was not his job to get the kids ready and that if he does that, then what would I be doing nothing as usual also that I was sloppy, dirty, unorganized, selfish and a burden on him… seriously me!!… that I have abandoned my daughter on her special day and of course included his lecture of how much of a bad mother I am and that I don’t know how to raise the girls to be clean and independent humans and started swearing at me with every swear word in the urban dictionary.

I tried not to talk back because the kids were there. The girls jumped in the bed next to me and turned on the ipad, but whenever I closed the door, he opened it again. I couldn’t help myself, I told him if don’t like it, leave me, otherwise calm down. That… of course got him more angry, he slammed open the already open door and started screaming down my throat with his face against mine, threatening to hurt me. I told him if he touched me I would call the police, so he grabbed my hair and banged my head it against the wall.

I ran for my phone, threatening to call the police, with shaking hands I somehow could not find the number. By then he was in the living room so I went in and closed the door, but he kept opening it again. I told him to get out, that he is not welcome here anymore, that he’a crazy and maybe needed his drug fix to calm him the fuck down. He started calling my family names and unconsciously I slapped him, as he was pushing me against the wall.

He then walked away and went down for a smoke.

Fuck, it’s my daughter’s birthday, I literally have no one here, and i did not want to ruin the day. I know I should have grabbed them to airport and left… but then I thought, it her birthday, they barely had any child fun time here and I should wait until we returned to act… so I calmed down.

I got the girls ready, did their hair they way they liked and we had a little fun twirling in their new dresses, I tidied the room, rearranging our suitcases, fed them and we all headed out, not even knowing where we were going.

Apparently he had promised her to go shop for a gift for her that morning, but he had said nothing about that to me… anyways by the time we go to the stores, he had calmed down abd apologized to me in front of the kids. I smiled and told him ok… The stores were closed by then, coz unfortunately they closed early on new years eve.

We then headed to his uncle’s again, they had prepared a cake for her and his brother got her this very nice game as a gift, with which we all gathered around to play with, while he went for his hour walk… After dinner, we all went to his brother’s new place back in the city to watch the fireworks at midnight. Me and his brother tried putting the kids to bed there, but they were so excited and the fireworks were really loud, they tried their best not to fall asleep, one slept just before and the other after midnight. We all sat their after and played a game with me pretending that nothing has ever happened earlier that day. Fortunately, the day ended on happy note for the girls…

But one thing I know for sure, once we open the door to violence, it will never shut!

5 thoughts on “Violence Relapse…

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  1. No, it never will shut. I lived through that for far too long. And you know who paid the price? My daughter. Having to watch endless cycles of abuse over and over again. It wasn’t fair to her, and I am a seriously bad mother for having subjected her to that dangerous mess.

    I’m sure it’s been said before, and I’m sure you’ve thought it yourself – but you have got to get them out of that environment. It is going to seriously do damage to them in latter years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank u for ur comment, it makes me feel like i’m not alone out there. I’m really sorry for what you have gone through and count ur blessings by getting out if it, it takes guts to do that.
      I really need to cut my losses and get out. I need to for the girls.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s so much harder than just getting out. I know it is. I think the last thing my daughter remembers about my ex is him ripping her TV out of the wall and throwing it from her room, into the hallway while screaming like a lunatic. I wish I could go back in time and leave him sooner, just so she wouldn’t have those memories. My mom dated abusive drug addicts all through my childhood (and still does), and I feel like growing up with them as an example, made me more susceptible to choosing the same kind of men. Nobody wants that for their children. You all deserve so much better than what he puts your through.


    2. Thank u for ur comment, it makes me feel like i’m not alone out there. I’m really sorry for what you have gone through and count ur blessings by getting out if it.
      I really need to cut my losses and get out. I need to for the girls.


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