The day I saw him after a long break he kissed me ..
It, whatever this is, somehow has become more intense than even before we left it, although all trials of fading it out..
I missed him… I missed talking to him and kissing him and so much wanted to tell him about what the fuck has been happening in my life and I wanted to ask about him and his trip and his life. But I didn’t know what to say, so much has been going on, and I also didn’t know whether or not he was still thinking of me and wanted me in his life.
But he did… He texted me a day after I arrived, and although I didn’t tell him much and it was more on a sexual level, he asked about weather there was any violence. He was sweet and told me that I didn’t deserve this, we chatted a little but I couldn’t really tell him the details, I didn’t want to bum him out; I blamed it on the drugs and the stressful time we’ve been having. But honestly I felt ashamed to tell him that I again let this happen to me and again without serious consequences. I didn’t want to see him and look him the eye. I told myself that he wouldn’t judge me, but yet it was embarrassing and humiliating.
A couple of days later I bumped into him at this coffee place after my daughter’s drop off. He was a sight for soar eyes. He hugged me and I felt like I wanted it to last forever, like it would erase my real life. As he was leaving, he snuck a kiss… it was fast and somehow scary that anyone we knew would have see that, but it felt natural..
The days that followed I kept seeing him again, all unplanned. I ended up telling him about what has happened and we talked about that and more random things. The more I saw him, the more I wanted to see more of him. My fantasies about became more intense, more passionate and dirtier. I wanted to be naked with him and kiss and fuck again, I wanted to to touch him and pleasure him and feel his breath on me. I wanted and needed this passion. I wanted to be with him.
He invited me over at his place since his wife was away, and although it felt really awkward and guiltfull being at their place, I caved and was going to go through with it, however the timings and logistics didn’t work.
So like I said, it has become more intense. He has become sweeter and warmer and real. I could again see right through his eyes when he looked at me and he saw me.. and I for some reason don’t feel scared of this anymore…