Although no one can reject it nor deny it nor prevent it, aging is inevitable. And old age is cruel! It is filled with frailness and decay. Yes it is filled with wisdom, but what is wisdom without the body and mind to live it.
Our health starts fading day by day and even if we manage to escape Alzheimer’s or pulmonary disease or congestive heart failure or dementia still everyday life chores will become harder as the days go by. And as we become wretched and weak and our self-definition will eventually change or might even disappear as we start feeling useless and insignificant and helpless.
Thus, it eventually will makes sense that we would become angry and depressed and our personality traits will begin to intensify, becoming more demanding and critical and intolerant… becoming less sensitive of people’s feelings because nothing will matter anymore.
I sure do not want to grow into that… I do not want to be dependent on anyone or feel like a burden on anyone at my old age.
In his book The Light in the Heart, Roy T. Bennett wrote “If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”
But even if all that is unavoidable, I do want to get off my ass and do something now while I still can and before it is too late and I am too tired for that. I need to start changing my life and travel and be able to breath. I want to live my dreams and experiences and my utmost fucked up fantasies and sexuality now, while I still have it in me to do so. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and say fuck it more often to the bad energy in my life. I want to be remembered as strong and lively and happy. I don’t want to live the day when I say, I wish I got off my ass and took that damn risk in doing this or that, while I can still recognize myself when I look in the mirror and not an older version of who I was.