I just held my breath and jumped… and for the past week I feel like I am still in the air… can barely grasp for air, it’s like oxygen refuses to go in, I feel disoriented and angry and scared and have no idea what is waiting for me at the bottom of that jump.
The one thing I know for sure is that I do not regret doing it, the timing maybe, but not the act! There would always be something to look forward to, even if something petty, a little thing that would make me stay for just a little bit longer… and this time it’s something I have been dreaming of… but it all went ugly and his control grew stronger and finally I decided I’m out regardless!
You cannot allow the person you love to dictate how u love, and you cannot allow the people who hurt you to dictate how you live… I do not love him anymore and I lived with him out of fear! I was afraid of being with him every day of our lives and yet I was always afraid of leaving him. I think somewhere deep inside of me I made sure that I needed him or he has controlled me to an extent that I do not know who I am anymore.
But I just threw it all away; the good and the bad and the evil…