I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human… more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they… were only stories he tells, with just a picture envisaged inside my head. But, the more of his family I see, the more real he becomes…

Theoretically, that should make me back off, but it didn’t… I like the real person that he is… Does that make me a bad or inconsidarate person?

I sat there checking him out and trying my very best for him not to notice how much of a distraction he was. It really is strange to see a person you care for, but, can barely look them in the eye… at the same time, it was so hard keeping my eyes off of him and on my own kids… although on that day, the kids and I were having a blast. 

I wanted for our kids to be friends… they are the same age and will be going to the same school together… if it were anyone else, I would have definitely done that effort, but with his,… won’t that just complicate matters more?

I definatly don’t want this… us… to be a reason that fucks up our lives… I don’t want to be that person… and I have been pushing risks with him and maybe seducing him down a path he shouldn’t be going… a craziness that is totally unlike myself! I should stop… 

But it has been so comfortable to a scary extent… it should feel wrong, it should feel unethical, it should feel like cheating… it doesn’t!!

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