We have not been everyday close, but she is the closest thing to my heart… and I miss her and I hate that she has become so messed-up that I don’t even recognise her. She’s my only sister, and I know that if shit hits the fan, she’ll be the only one in my corner defending and supporting, but sadly space and men and choices and probably our mother have divided us.
This New Years, while I was traveling, she insisted to get married to an asshole that is now keeping her locked up away from everyone. I don’t know if it’s her will to be that isolated from her family and friends and life or that she’s too scared of him to get away or too afraid that people would gloat that she had made a terrible choice; everyone who knew that they were getting together warned her about how much of an aggressive looser he is and got seriously shocked by that marriage.
She was a successful lawyer who quit everything around a year and half ago, over a 6 year failed relationship. After he break-up, she became selfish and angry and resentful of herself and everyone else and 6 months after she decided to go on a self-journey on the beach and that is where she met him. She was vulnerable and lonely and he was a crying shoulder that took advantage of that. Her friends started calling me afraid that she’s fall for him, and I thought it was just a rebound; she would never go for such a looser. Then he began to call up her exes and some of her best friends and swear at them for even daring to contact her and I thought that would make her leave him, but it didn’t. He even went crazy on me and still that wasn’t a warning enough. A couple of months later she found out that she was pregnant. My father convinced them to find a job first before brining a kid into this world, so she aborted the pregnancy, but got married anyways.
It’s been five months and she only has managed to visit mom twice, and couldn’t even make it to her birthday, given that she lives around 15 minutes away. I have seen her once and he wouldn’t leave us for even two minutes alone together. She doesn’t see any of her friends, not even the closest ones… she doesn’t go anywhere without him, he even went with her to a job interview. The only way we talk is via text messages and even that I barely get a sentence out of her… I think he believes that if she got closer to me she’ll leave him! I don’t know whether she is doing that to avoid trouble with him, whether she really is in trouble and doesn’t want to ask for help, or that she became so apathetic and lazy that she doesn’t move or give a damn anymore or that she is still that resentful from the world that she is punishing herself or afraid of gloating or he is another one of her charity case men…
But she wasn’t always that way… She had an amazing job, a really impressive resume… She was this extremely free spirited person, who would never allow a soul to tell her what to do or where she’s going… She never cared what other people thought of her as long as she is responsible and she really was a responsible kid and adult… She was independent and powerful and a total badass… She had loads of friends, more than anyone I know and is indeed a great friend to have, would always go out of her way to help or support or if someone just needed to vent… She had many hobbies and did tons of charity work… She was someone I looked up to, like how is she so mature and diplomatic all the time and even as a child, she always managed to get away with whatever she did, for example; she would break curfew and somehow find a way to never get punished, although she never lied about where or with whom she was with… She was never afraid of anyone, not even our mother, and my mom was freakishly scary!
Unfortunately, she’s has become emotionally stunt these past few years! She has no confidence in herself any longer when it comes to men, to an extent that she thinks that this looser is better than her. The only sane thing she did was that before she got married, she wrote everything she owns in my mom’s name, maybe she knew she was that weak, because she did manage to burn through her savings these 9 months since she met him.
And yesterday she dropped a bomb on me… she is pregnant again and told me not tell anyone because she’s doesn’t know what to do. It normally would have been the most amazing news ever; my baby sister is going to have a baby. However, all what I could think of was “fuuuuucccckkk”! She’s been only married for 5 months, he’s this wanna-be actor who cant get even the tiniest of gigs, he doesn’t want her to work because he doesn’t and is jealous as fuck that wouldn’t even let meet her old boss over a freelance job alone and heaven knows how they are surviving the days. They don’t have a car nor a place of their own and live with his parents and no income…
Just a couple of weeks back she was beginning to wake up, got head hunted for a senior legal position in a multinational firm, started admitting a little that she is uncomfortable with this life and that she might have made a mistake… and now she found out she’s pregnant!
Over a text message yesterday, she gave me the news; she couldn’t even dare to call. I tried calling her, she wouldn’t answer and tried texting, she would write a word or two and then disappear and it is driving me insane. But she did say that she doesn’t want it and it’s not the right time for this and is confused and doesn’t even know how far along she is, but he wants it… that is all i succeeded to get out of her. Of course, he’s such an idiot to understand how much a kid costs or how much of stability it needs to not want it either. I pay for whatever I can for her, installments and phone bills, but I cannot support a baby! How on earth are they supposed get a kid into this world when they are that broke and that isolated. He just wants her not leave him and that is his way of keeping her bound him.
But having a baby is whole different ball game. I think she is too afraid of him to tell him that she wants to give it up; and I know that there is nothing in my power to do, but it doesn’t mean that I am not hurting for the both of us. In her messages yesterday she kept saying we… I told her that she needs to remember that this is not a we thing, her body, her life, her choice!
This is what happens when u have a parent that has never appreciated anything you’ve ever done, constantly criticizing until this day and never praised; two girls with the lowest self esteem, who would fall for narcissistic assholes. However, when I come to think of it, hers took it to a whole new level.
But it doesn’t help knowing the reason; she needs to get out of that wreck she’s in and that wreck that she has become and seriously wake up!
I know she’s getting older and I know she deserves a baby because she’s a very loving person or at least she was, the only one I would totally trust with my kids, before she got all fucked up… but I am so sorry to say that no baby deserves her in this state… and no baby deserves such a looser for a father.
I can only pray and hope that she does the right thing 🙏