You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

I am so tired of this rollercoaster of emotions he goes through and pours down on me every chance he gets… It starts with a message of how much I have fucked up the family and destroyed his life and screwing up the kids’ lives and creating a dysfunctional environment for everyone… to he’s been miserable since he left… to insults and swearing and how that he will retaliate and how selfish I am for doing this… ending with telling me that all these words are out of frustration because he loves me and misses me and wants me back… and the next day repeat. Different words, different insults and different guilt trips but all the same.

I have been trying to use calming words and try to address the pain behind the  meanness and rudeness and craziness, my replies were in the tone of “please calm down”, “I know u don’t mean that”, “please do not insult me”, “it is hard for the both us”…  and every time he guilt trips me, I remind myself that this is for the kids not for me; they deserve a calmer life and saner environment. But today I couldn’t help it, he drove me over the edge…

I started by blocking him on WhatsApp, so I would not have read anymore of his insults and two min later he called me… claimed that what he said were not insults, but facts of how low and destructive and a backstabber I am and that brining the kids back before the bed time is not a priority for him and that I am doing a lousy job as a mother anyways… I started screaming at him like a maniac… I told him how immature and childish he is, that he could go fuck him self, he is 40 fucking years old and does not even know how to deal with his feelings and react in a decent manner, that I’m tired of dealing with the whinny kid with all his tantrums, that he is selfish and egocentric and that going back to him would be a very masochistic thing to do, that if he, the person who doesn’t care about their sleep, rarely driven them anywhere, never clipped their nails, bathed them, doesn’t know their friends and the few times he was forced to be with them, he erupts like a volcano of anger and madness over things like their proper usage of cutlery … and if he can do a better job, he can go ahead and take them and raise them however way he wants.

It pains me that I couldn’t hold my temper and that I lost it. I was finally getting back to my much calmer self and now I stooped down to his level of vulgarity and indecency and I shouldn’t have. Not an excuse, but he is driving me into insanity…

Anyhow, I have decided to again block him any time this happens and hopefully next time I will hold my temper.

One thought on “You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

Add yours

  1. What an ass. Maybe lay down some rules. No communication unless it has to do with a question about the children. Any other text messages/e-mails/phone calls will be ignored and/or blocked. If he can’t adhere to that, then any communication between the two of you about the children will have to be filtered between a mutual friend or someone though the court. There are ways to avoid having to put up with his harassment, and he might think he is above everything, but he isn’t above the law.

    Liked by 1 person

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