Although, but not long ago I was naked in his arms and him in mine, I crave for him still. I crave for that bond, for that intimacy, for having him let go to me and with me… Once the storm of every day passes, and the silence comes, I feel the tsunami of longing for him. I dream of one more kiss, one more touch, one more minute of intimacy.
After sometime with the same person, sex usually becomes burdened with baggage; the baggage of the relationship, the weight of thoughts unsaid or feelings undeclared or fights unresolved… As attachment grows and specially if the relationship is undefined, fear of judgement heightens, the weight of the silence becomes heavier and consequently, when and while we fuck, all these thoughts and unspoken words come to life and consume my mind, distracting me from intimacy.
My whole life, every sexual partner and every relationship I thought as intimate, eventually filled up with that burden that I could not let go of.With him, I safely speak my mind and am myself… no load, no barriers, no fear of judgment… with him I’m sexual and kinky and real and do not need to fantasize to keep myself turned on. When we’re together, it’s weightless; complete mindfulness. Every time is like a mixture of a one night stand with a hot stranger that will never bare judgment over me and the comfort of having great sex with a life long companion that you’re still in love with… It is passionate and sexual and intense, to which the only thing I owe, is my bare truth.
I don’t need him, I chose him… I chose him to be my safe zone, I chose him to be my friend and I chose him to be the one person who knows me, because with him I can breath! I don’t need him; I want him!
While, with all logic, I know that this is aimless and neither of us could sustain it for long… that neither of us can just claim the other as theirs, but I do not want it to end, on the contrary and against all reason and practicality, I want it to grow.