We should just watch a movie or fuck…

I slept with my supposedly to be ex-husband again… yes again and it is insane, because we are still separated and we still haven’t resolved anything and we can still barely communicate. Usually, he comes over, tries to seduce me or wear me down until I just give in or he gives up. However, this time I jumped him without the slightest show of interest nor initiation from his side and here’s what led to it…

He called a few times during the day asking what I was doing tonight and if he can come over… I tried to change the subject, but I finally caved.

After putting the kids to bed, I went down to order a cake for our daughter’s birthday and when I came back he was home. He was standing in front of a 1000 piece puzzle that he had gotten for her birthday and he was acting very passive and to be completely honest I was quite angry with him. He had taken the kids to the beach over the weekend and kept giving me vague answers about when they were coming back. I was stuck all day at home, waiting for them and they never arrived, except today morning. He didn’t even drop them off here; he took them to his place and had the audacity to tell me that I now have to pick them up from his place.

Anyways, he kept walking back and forth in the apartment and it drove me crazy. In order to unwind and calm myself down, I sat down and worked a bit on the puzzle.

I felt that I had to start a conversation and for my dumb luck this is the one that popped in my head. “My mother says that the only thing that keeps a couple together is respect, but you always said that I didn’t know how to show you respect”. Before I even finished the question, he got all defensively offensive. That I wasn’t sincere about my question, that me doing a puzzle while asking already answers the question but I’m just too stubborn to see it, that it’s not his fault that I’m too stupid to understand…

My question was in fact sincere, because over the years it was a query I always had and frequently asked, to which he has never answered directly or non-offensively. I did respect him and probably never showed it in the way he ever perceived, yet always claimed this is why he treated me the way he did.

The conversation got overly heated all of a sudden… and although I left the puzzle and came and sat next to him on the couch to show that I didn’t have any ill intentions and to show my genuineness, he still was passively aggressive in his tone and language. He interrupted every thing I tried to say, which in return made me more and more agitated to an extent that I started crying. Then he said that I’m unstable and very erratic, and that if someone sincerely wants to know the answer, they would be able to withstand any tonality or words to get what they want. I didn’t want to know his response anymore… he was twisting my words, interrupting and not allowing me to finish a thought nor a sentence, insulting in a passive aggressive voice…

By the end of an hour long fight … and with tears in my eyes and lots of anger and frustration in my voice, I told him, that this is useless; us communicating again, or him coming over or any sort of reconciliation he is trying to achieve is just useless… we should just never attempt a conversation again and we should just watch a movie or fuck… because these are the only two things we’re able to do together. He got very angry and started to scream and decided to leave. I just didn’t understand why, he know it was true; This is all we could ever do together without fighting, just animalistic passionless sex… or silently watch a movie!

I was still crying when the doorbell rang again and he said, I’m just coming to sit with you. I let him in and started a movie.

Here’s what was happening in parallel… All through the day and for some days before, I was having a conversation with the other guy about threesomes and swinging and my fantasy life that I am so afraid to attempt because if ever I got caught, the risk of loosing my kids or my husband possibly killing me is immensely scary. He (not my husband of course) offered like three different options over the past few months and I was still very reluctant to join, although that just the thought of such gets me so horny I drip from wetness. So anyhow, right before the fight with the husband and slightly in between he was still texting about it.

Thus, jumbled in all the fighting, was my being turned on from the potential threesome that I might give in to the night after… I was both sad and horny and it was insane to go in and masturbate while he was sitting there at the other end of the couch. Nonetheless, I couldn’t get myself to just get up and try to initiate sex… we had just being fighting… I had just been crying…

So… I asked him if he had any weed, and of course he does he always has some kind of drug on him… I went out to the balcony and lit the joint. I have never requested drugs in my life, drugs get me all paranoid and I start counting and I do not feel in control, which I hate. I hate the smell, the effect, and the blaa feeling I get, but they do turn me on a lot. Sex is the only thing I know of that makes me feel in control again… I smoked his weed until I found my horniness taking over…

I came back to the living room, while the movie still on, I turned the light off, and with eyes closed I sat on top of him and I took control. I took his face and his personality and our baggage off my mind and just kissed him and licked him and touched him, till he was melting in my hands… I took off his clothes and went down on my knees to suck him. I wanted him helpless, I wanted him to do whatever I asked for, I wanted him hard and silent and I just for once decided to be in control of him, not him of me!

My eyes barely opened and in my head I let my imagination and fantasies run wild… from him being someone else to me being fucked from behind while I sucked his dick. It wasn’t him anymore, I was fantasising about being with someone else entirely and joined by a bunch of other people. I stopped and turned on my back on the couch and led his head to my pussy. I imagined being fucked by someone else while he licked me… having another inside me while he made me cum… imagined him licking someone else and her screaming to cum… imagined him being fucked in the ass while making me cum… from romantic to the kinkiest of fantasies. I made him lick me and eat me without any concern to how long it took until I finally came… I then held his dick and put it in me and made myself cum again… and I fucked him like I have never done before and right before I made him cum, I told him he had to pull out… no idea why, it just felt good being in control. He came all over me and I just got up, got dressed and slept.

I woke up a couple of times; the first as he asked me if he is allowed to stroke my feet and the second when I heard the door close after him.

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