I want OUT…

You know those people who kill themselves
and you wonder…
WHY?
They have everything,
they have a good life…
I’ve never seen them cry!

I woke up today wanting to shout;
“I just want out”

Out of this life
this marriage
this world
and my own skin
Out of being a mother
a daughter
a women
a wife
or anyone’s kin

Out from needing money
or having money
or having hopes or desires
or any dream
Out from having to take care of people
or be judged or praised or criticised
out of being seen

I just want to disappear
away from my home… my dog… my kids
and anyone’s need
away from having to say hi or bye or plead

I no longer want to be afraid
I no longer want to win
or fail
I no longer want to act
pretend
blend
depend
offend
pose empty joy
nor smile

I want out… from needing to breath
to cry
to excite
I no longer want to
crave
and fuck
and dance
and fight

I want out from having to
choose
or decide
Out from wanting to love
or needing to be loved
or denied

I don’t want to be broken
seam broken
feel broken
neither do I want to be strong
or whole
nor awoken

I want out from waiting to be happy…
No…
No, I do not deserve to be happy
I’ve been told

I don’t want to die
and I don’t want to live
I no longer want to resist
I just do not want to exist

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