A couple of days ago a friend of mine passed by… We ordered food and had wine along with a very long and profound conversation about our fucked up marriages and ended up talking about our sex lives during our marriages. We had very different experiences. For me sex was of the most important reasons my marriage lasted for so long, for him, however, it was one of the main reasons his broke apart. He claimed that although he loved his ex wife unconditionally still, their sex life was terrible. But bottom line was, we both missed fucking.
We talked about the difference between sex and intimacy and passion, we talked about foreplay and one night stands, we talked about having a fuck buddy to fulfil that void, someone we could trust and respect and can fuck. Nevertheless, he’s one of those decent people, who has never flirted nor ever shown even a hint of interest. He’s even one of my support system in all what’s going on in my life. I didn’t even know if he found me hot or not!
The conversation got me even hornier than I already had been…
I have been waking up really horny for days before that… horny and emotional. Longing for a touch, to be lusted over, to please and be pleased, to feel that human and sexual contact… to express my sexuality. I would wake up so wet that I would have to masturbated more than once to be able to get out of bed. I’d wake up so fucking horny and I needed to deviate my sexual energy elsewhere.
I don’t know why we didn’t go for it right then and there… it would have been very convenient, he’s a person who’s absolutely trustworthy, totally fuckable, lives across the street and does not want anything more than that. Maybe if he made the first move it would make things easier for me… I wouldn’t be the one crossing that line. But him not wanting nor attempting in any way to cross that line made it a hot challenge, I wanted to break him more than to actually fuck him!
I couldn’t tell him about my affair, I couldn’t tell him that I fell for a married man, who still fucks his wife and I’m ok with that, that just had a baby for heaven’s sake. I couldn’t tell him that I had already broken the ethical value line. But this would be different; this would not be about intimacy or sharing myself. I couldn’t tell him that although we don’t share pasts nor will we probably share a future, but we do share our inner selves, inner souls, inner needs… that no one would even come close to my true self than he has… that we share something more profound than I ever thought I would.
I didn’t need to tell him that, I felt he knew that if we did fuck, it would be different… Still, I didn’t uncover my conservative and good girl façade that night. But, I couldn’t stop the hunt… and I did break him.
To be continued…