A Hot Gymnast…

Sitting outside my daughter’s gymnastics hall waiting for her to finish her three hour training is the most boring chore of my day... but when the light is just right one could see the kids training inside, which makes time pass a little faster and makes waiting there a tad more interesting. Today, however, something... Continue Reading →

My Very Special Day…

So it was my birthday last Tuesday the 25th... A birthday is indeed a special day for everyone, simply because it marks a turning point in ones life; weather u have a successful or miserable life that doesn’t really matter, this is still your day your new year and yours alone. I tend to remember... Continue Reading →

Living under Gunpoint…

Living with an abusive husband is like living at gunpoint… he might get angry and fire his armed weapon anytime. The only difference is that his armed weapon is perpetually attached to him, literally… his fist, tongue, his petrifying eye contact… The weapons are many and the bullets are even more... humiliation, criticism, threat to... Continue Reading →

Flashbacks of my Infidelity…

Two weeks have passed and I think it is finally sinking in. It was my first time with anyone else in 14 years... and it took almost 14 days for it to start to soak in and feel real. He’s my first kiss, my first fuck and my first (and probably last) crush during my marriage. I never thought... Continue Reading →

Someone who loved me better

I could’ve been with someone who didn’t make me feel so unhappy and suppressed all the time. I could’ve been with a person who treated me well, which I have learnt is apparently a right not a privilege. I could’ve had something better with someone who loved me better. I should've been in an non-abusive non-threatening... Continue Reading →

A weekend without him…

He left and I can breath... the colours of the apartment changed, that smoggy cloud that hazed up the place and this heavy halo suffocating me slowly faded away! It’s just for three days, but I could use three days of vivid light and weightless oxygen. I own my space and time without a judgmental... Continue Reading →

I cried when he touched me…

I only wanted to say no, but didn’t… I couldn’t stop imagining his reaction to the rejection... the looks of anger and disappointment after... the guilt trips; that I am turning every good moment into a negative... the blame; that I am the one who doesn’t want or know how to enjoy the moment. I... Continue Reading →

Virtually Violated

Around two weeks back this girl contacted me via Instagram ... She started by talking to me about this guy I knew... I went to high school with, and claimed is a common friend on Instagram… the conversation seemed pretty random and innocent until it wasn’t. He ... was a grade older and we never... Continue Reading →

Do Parents really forgive? .. mine doesn’t!

They say parents are the most forgiving, and their love for you is unconditional, but I think the most hidden truth is that some parents do not forget their children’s fuck-ups no matter how much they change or make amends. Anytime something small slips, the whole history comes to surface. My mother remembers every single... Continue Reading →

Uncomfortably Frozen

Seeing the wife was the strangest encounter ever.. I kept telling myself nothing happened and probably nothing will ever happen, so to convince myself that nothing should be or feel so awkward! But it still was.. I wasn’t myself and probably was this obnoxious person, that she had no idea why is talking or sitting... Continue Reading →

Another child to my broken marriage

I projected my life on someone... I know, I know ...I shouldn’t have. I don’t really know if people with drama and issues in their lives should even be allowed to give advise, because somehow there has to be even a small ounce of projection in there! And that is probably what I did even... Continue Reading →

Sister Trouble

Having a sister is supposed to be the most amazing thing ever, specially if you're close in age... you get to share closets, go shopping together, talk about boyfriends and crushes and husbands and family drama! Help each other out when in need... yeah ... would she ever!! Probably, having our mother complain to each... Continue Reading →

Giving someone their Space

Giving someone space means that you are giving them away-time for themselves; time to reflect, decide, consider options and/or focus on themselves, without you being a distraction to their thoughts. And I am… I am honouring his need for disconnection, though it is tougher and stranger than I thought it would be, with the missing... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

No more meaningless Sex with him

He came on to me last night... I was so horny yet frustrated at the same time. I did want to … but I didn’t want him… and we were not ok … He woke me up, from a wet erotic threesome dream, by kissing that special part right between the back of my ear and... Continue Reading →

My Intervention!

I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen. One of them has been recently divorced after an 8... Continue Reading →

Two-Day Yoga Retreat

I packed my bags and left... didn’t listen to his insults nor his commands of not to go. I needed this for me. I needed to breath; inhale life without the burdens or anxieties. I needed to switch off from the ugliness and cleanse my mind to be able to survive the next phase of... Continue Reading →

Crucify Your Mind

I was lying there in the sun, with my headphones on, listening to music after a wonderful morning yoga practice. For almost half an hour it was more than serene, feeling the sun’s heat against my face and the rhythm in my heart, feet tapping and mumbling the words. I have heard them before so... Continue Reading →

Why is he not leaving?

It's been 10 days since he packed and returned most of our/his belongings back into storage in preparation for the leave. We agreed that the kids and I would stay here (my mother's extra apartment we've been living in for almost a year a half) and he would leave as per my request for a... Continue Reading →

Drawn to Him

With lust and attraction for him on my mind .. it’s getting harder and harder not to get to see him and talk to him ... to not want to kiss him every time we meet... I haven’t had that for anyone in the longest time and definitely not during my marriage. There’s this unexpected and... Continue Reading →

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