Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

My Best Friend of over 20 years tried to Kiss Me!

Later that night, one of my oldest friends called and wanted to talk, so I invited him over for some drinks at the bar downstairs in the hotel where I was staying... of course I had to make up a lie about why I was staying at a hotel while my apartment is kids-free for... Continue Reading →

An Afternoon Sex Date… left me wanting more

I have been trying to find words to describe that afternoon… It was certainly, passionate and erotic and hot, but it wasn’t just that, it was much more than just mundane sex. I was trying to make sense of it all, but today it struck me… You know that feeling you get when you step... Continue Reading →

Flashing the Delivery Guy…

Growing up and living in a third world country, I hated the fact that I would not be able to ever walk down the street without someone making some kind of sexual advances towards me, either looks or filthy innuendos. I have been harassed, hit on, groped, and given that I am going to fuck... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

Sexual Fantasies…

It was a warm mid afternoon, sun shining through clear skies. We sat there for a while after lunch, talking about life and pasts and sharing thoughts on different subjects. It was comfortable and peaceful. We’d kiss between conversations with slight and subtle touching… grazing my inner thigh… leaning in to touch my neck… tracing... Continue Reading →

Sex, with Feelings and Respect

It’s just sex, with feelings and respect, he said… and I like that, because, it really is a good and honest friendship that happen to be accompanied by an amazing sexual connection... and calling it anything else, would make it sound ugly and unethical and bad... It somehow does not feel like cheating, at least... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

A Holiday Fling…

Here's a story I will forever remember with a person I would probably never meet again... I met him at the dinner buffet ... we were both waiting for our pasta. He was due to go before me and didn’t know what to order… we shared a laugh and some small talk about what we’re... Continue Reading →

My body remembers him…

It seems like ages pass by between one touch and the other and in between I don’t know who forgets about whom… or who longs for whom… I do miss him and I keep reminding myself that he’s not mine to miss… But, even when my mind forgets, my body remembers, it longs for him...... Continue Reading →

I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human... more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they... were only stories he tells,... Continue Reading →

Flirting is Empowering…

For the first time ever…  I flirted my way into getting something done. Two days ago, I flirted my way into renewing my driver’s license, and if you have ever lived in a third world country you would know that bureaucracy and bribes are the heart of getting any paper done, let alone renewing a... Continue Reading →

Although appreciated… Attention is not what I am looking for…

People get attracted for so may different reasons; physic, personality, sent, hormones, tone of voice, early childhood experiences, experiences gained over the years, certain maturity level, mutual value systems… etc. Apparently there is a science behind it, according to Lisa Firestone Ph.D. And I think my choice of men has evolved and matured dramatically, however,... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

Can Affairs Prolong Marriages?

Can cheating help a marriage survive longer? And really… should one help rescue such a marriage, if it is in need of that sort of help! I wrote about this before, but the thought has been haunting me for a few days now. He said that if it weren’t for sex-on-the-side,his, around two-decade relationship, would... Continue Reading →

His death was like Therapy.. May he rest in peace

It was the most shocking news I have ever received. He rides motorcycles, but no not an accident, did drugs, but no not an overdose, he wasn’t even sick nor overly stressed. Athletic, positive, family person, loved by all… Last year like today a good friend of mine passed away at 39 years old. He... Continue Reading →

A Happy Morning..

For the past week or so, I have been trying to write about that morning together... because other than the physical part, it has been a tad uneasy! Not until I saw him for coffee today, I could at least try. Not that anything really happened or that we spent more time than usual together,... Continue Reading →

Taking Turns…

It was both of our daughters’ school orientation and I was dreading the fact that I’d see him there. His wife was out of town, which meant he would come alone and I was going alone anyways... but as wired as I thought it would be and how many people I knew that were going... Continue Reading →

A Sight for Sore Eyes

The day I saw him after a long break he kissed me .. It, whatever this is, somehow has become more intense than even before we left it, although all trials of fading it out.. I missed him… I missed talking to him and kissing him and so much wanted to tell him about what... Continue Reading →

A Soothing Kiss

I decided to tone him off during the winter holidays... I was traveling with family and he with his... and it was the best opportunity to try make this lustful attachment fade out, because like he told me a few days before we left, “i’m trying really hard not fuck up our lives”. So yes,... Continue Reading →

True to Myself…

Some people have an affair to be someone else or live a different life... some are merely bored or pissed of a current situation… some want to live some kind of fantasy... and others are just compensating what they lack in their real lives... ... but in some cases, that someone else and that somewhere else,... Continue Reading →

In his Car

We bumped into each other at a coffee place in the morning and we chatted for like an hour and then he said that he had to go... and although I was really tired just a minute before and all I could think of is a bed, but I'm stuck at the other side of... Continue Reading →

Unfamiliar Territory…

I am currently in an unfamiliar territory. A territory where I have and am showing more of myself than I ever have... at times it feels comfortable and liberating and at others it is awfully scary. It is definitely nice to have a sexual partner to share with all the experiences I have never dared... Continue Reading →

We met again.. Same place… less time…

So we met again... This time I asked for it, I was horny and I missed him! It took me an hour to gather my guts to text him, afraid of rejection maybe or scared that he had had gotten bored already or that I might seem desperate, specially since my breakdown last week. But... Continue Reading →

Processing my Vulnerability…

One thing I have to admit is that it was undeniably the most intense feeling I felt in the longest time or maybe ever; followed by a cyclone of convoluted emotions that even after my panic, I still cannot process and barely comprehend and it’s been a couple of days. So writing about it might... Continue Reading →

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