Processing my Vulnerability…

One thing I have to admit is that it was undeniably the most intense feeling I felt in the longest time or maybe ever; followed by a cyclone of convoluted emotions that even after my panic, I still cannot process and barely comprehend and it’s been a couple of days. So writing about it might... Continue Reading →

Panicking after Sex?

How can any sexual encounter be so conflicting and full of contradicting emotions that at my age, with all experiences and traumas and tornadoes, I have never experienced something as such before? It was the most frightening feeling ever… I’ll take a step back and trace the day or days preceding and leading to it…... Continue Reading →

In another Life…

I need you, I need one of those hugs that fill the soul with hope and love and warmth. I need someone who knows me, deepest and darkest and most vulnerable me. I need a support system and I know I’m never going to have one nor have anyone to tell me that it is... Continue Reading →

More Lustful in the Fall

There is something about Autumn nights that turn me on, although according to science men are hornier in the fall and women in the spring, but there is just that incredible soft brisk breeze and the open air that makes me have this strange unexplained demanding urge to be touched. It is that time of... Continue Reading →

A Hot Gymnast…

Sitting outside my daughter’s gymnastics hall waiting for her to finish her three hour training is the most boring chore of my day... but when the light is just right one could see the kids training inside, which makes time pass a little faster and makes waiting there a tad more interesting. Today, however, something... Continue Reading →

Flashbacks of my Infidelity…

Two weeks have passed and I think it is finally sinking in. It was my first time with anyone else in 14 years... and it took almost 14 days for it to start to soak in and feel real. He’s my first kiss, my first fuck and my first (and probably last) crush during my marriage. I never thought... Continue Reading →

Someone who loved me better

I could’ve been with someone who didn’t make me feel so unhappy and suppressed all the time. I could’ve been with a person who treated me well, which I have learnt is apparently a right not a privilege. I could’ve had something better with someone who loved me better. I should've been in an non-abusive non-threatening... Continue Reading →

Uncomfortably Frozen

Seeing the wife was the strangest encounter ever.. I kept telling myself nothing happened and probably nothing will ever happen, so to convince myself that nothing should be or feel so awkward! But it still was.. I wasn’t myself and probably was this obnoxious person, that she had no idea why is talking or sitting... Continue Reading →

Giving someone their Space

Giving someone space means that you are giving them away-time for themselves; time to reflect, decide, consider options and/or focus on themselves, without you being a distraction to their thoughts. And I am… I am honouring his need for disconnection, though it is tougher and stranger than I thought it would be, with the missing... Continue Reading →

Virtually Sexual now turning Real

It was only all virtually sexual until that moment... it turned factual.. physical .. alive! It was actually happening ... and it felt nice, it felt right, but it was fast and incomplete and the setting was bad. He left and I went blank, worried about all the non-essential feelings I know don't matter; fear... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

Sharing Sexual Fantasies…

There are unbelievable highs and lows that come along trying new sexual practices and, for the longest time, mine have been locked in my own fantasy world. Aside from its morality, having recently unbagged the daemon that is exposing myself to another, my fantasy world has been coming out one by one. It’s absolutely wonderful... Continue Reading →

I Crave Him

You know that feeling when you crave something so bad that you can smell it or taste or feel its texture between you fingertips... I’m craving for him I crave a touch I have only dreamt about but never experienced... I crave him in me, around me and all over me… I crave a bond... Continue Reading →

So what is it? An Affair-ish?

"Had we followed through with the plan.. it would have turned into an affair".. that's probably true! It got me thinking of what is an affair? Where is the line drawn? When should one start to feel guilty? With SEX!? According to Wikipedia "An affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between... Continue Reading →

Drawn to Him

With lust and attraction for him on my mind .. it’s getting harder and harder not to get to see him and talk to him ... to not want to kiss him every time we meet... I haven’t had that for anyone in the longest time and definitely not during my marriage. There’s this unexpected and... Continue Reading →

Euphoria of love

You might get exited over a discussion together and you might also have a lot in common, enjoy each other’s company and connect on a mental level. Eat the same food or read the same books. You might even share each other’s values and spiritual beliefs. Share mutual respect and good communication... But is that... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

In Silence we Kissed

In secret we met In silence we kissed Heaven be it or earth the vow is now broken How could the soul forget? In silence we kissed In seconds we stopped Could ever something so sinful feel that right? In pride it will pass the yearning, the hunger, and the lust In silence we’ll honour... Continue Reading →

Gratefulness of feeling respected

I was one step away from breaking my marital vows. It was scary, different and completely and utterly out of my skin. I went with a flow of a plan.. I don’t know how far i was going to go through with it at the end, but i took it one step at a time..... Continue Reading →

Can infidelity help a marriage survive?

While being in the midst of asking for separation and meanwhile liking and enjoying the company of another... I have been thinking about infidelity a lot... whether by a husband or a wife with single partners or for two married couples… First of all, I should put it out there that I believe that it... Continue Reading →

Why I called him!

It never came easy for me to share my thoughts and feelings; it was always hard to find comfort talking and not think... I must sound smart for them to respect me... but I found a friend I can talk to. I never allowed myself that luxury during my marriage. A no judgment zone that... Continue Reading →

Erasing Good by Doing Bad

I came to a point in my marriage, where i have been all through the years very faithful even in my thoughts .. that i found myself being attracted to another. I started deleting messages and being scared of being caught, although it’s just words and mostly intellectual conversations we share. But he my husband... Continue Reading →

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