In another Life…

I need you, I need one of those hugs that fill the soul with hope and love and warmth. I need someone who knows me, deepest and darkest and most vulnerable me. I need a support system and I know I’m never going to have one nor have anyone to tell me that it is... Continue Reading →

Self-destruction runs in the Family..

What is wrong with the both of us? What made us so self-disrespectful? How did both of us turn out to be so fucked up? Was is the way we were raised? Our parents loved us both so much, they have literally sacrificed every ounce of time and energy for us, were never stingy on... Continue Reading →

Learning to Listen to Children…

Stop crying… it is not worth it… calm down… don’t be disappointed… These are words I have been hearing many parents tell their children, these are words I have been told myself as a child. I was 14 years old when I finally figured out that my mother has never listened to a word I... Continue Reading →

Desert Trip .. What would happen if I die

Yesterday we went barbecuing in the desert. It was a birthday of friends’ daughter who was turning 11 and decided that she wants a family and friends gathering for the old and young generation, so we headed to a protectorate valley in the desert for the day. My eldest had training that finishes at 2... Continue Reading →

More Lustful in the Fall

There is something about Autumn nights that turn me on, although according to science men are hornier in the fall and women in the spring, but there is just that incredible soft brisk breeze and the open air that makes me have this strange unexplained demanding urge to be touched. It is that time of... Continue Reading →

A Hot Gymnast…

Sitting outside my daughter’s gymnastics hall waiting for her to finish her three hour training is the most boring chore of my day... but when the light is just right one could see the kids training inside, which makes time pass a little faster and makes waiting there a tad more interesting. Today, however, something... Continue Reading →

True Facts About Myself

There are certain certainties in my life that I have recently become very confortable with and comfortable admitting no matter how perceived, so it’s good to get them out there and admit them loudly to myself: I cannot sleep without socks, ever, no matter what the weather is, in my own bed or camping on... Continue Reading →

Living under Gunpoint…

Living with an abusive husband is like living at gunpoint… he might get angry and fire his armed weapon anytime. The only difference is that his armed weapon is perpetually attached to him, literally… his fist, tongue, his petrifying eye contact… The weapons are many and the bullets are even more... humiliation, criticism, threat to... Continue Reading →

Writing about Anger sometimes sets you free… and sometimes …

I haven’t posted anything in a while and that’s not because I’m lazy nor that I do not have anything to write about, on the contrary I have been writing a lot, …  it’s just that I cannot get myself to reread my writings. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic with petty repetitive... Continue Reading →

A Stay-at-Home-Mom going Insane

It is difficult for people to comprehend, how lonely one gets when you are surrounded by people most of the time (well little people)… and how is it that I want to run away from the ones I cannot imagine living without? But is it mentally and emotionally exhausting and I don't even feel like... Continue Reading →

Married Single Parent … lost in that space in-between

Although we have been together for over a decade, raised children and shared a home, I don't believe we ever really had a marriage... we have never had a we or us relationship, never a unified position! It wasn't until recently that I was able to truly really admit that to myself that I have been waiting for this... Continue Reading →

The awkwardness of reconnecting…

It is very strange when you grow close to someone and then you suddenly detach, and the more time passes the more awkward it becomes to randomly get in touch again. He used a word a couple of months back… disconnect... and what a descriptive word it is. As harmless as it may seam, it carries... Continue Reading →

Flashbacks of my Infidelity…

Two weeks have passed and I think it is finally sinking in. It was my first time with anyone else in 14 years... and it took almost 14 days for it to start to soak in and feel real. He’s my first kiss, my first fuck and my first (and probably last) crush during my marriage. I never thought... Continue Reading →

Stay or Leave a Cold Marriage?

Would you rather stay in a marriage for the sake of your children, a marriage where you lack intimacy and passion and where you do not get to show your kids what a healthy loving relationship looks like and maybe expand you family for the better interest of your child or would you rather leave... Continue Reading →

Someone who loved me better

I could’ve been with someone who didn’t make me feel so unhappy and suppressed all the time. I could’ve been with a person who treated me well, which I have learnt is apparently a right not a privilege. I could’ve had something better with someone who loved me better. I should've been in an non-abusive non-threatening... Continue Reading →

Relationships Cycle vs Mine

Everyone changes over time and so do marriages. The cycles in marriages could either bring a couple closer together or makes them grow more distant. Although we get into relationships thinking they should be the securest and most reliable entity, they are very precarious... just one wrong turn and they go down... A healthy cycle... Continue Reading →

A weekend without him…

He left and I can breath... the colours of the apartment changed, that smoggy cloud that hazed up the place and this heavy halo suffocating me slowly faded away! It’s just for three days, but I could use three days of vivid light and weightless oxygen. I own my space and time without a judgmental... Continue Reading →

Why do we bring Children into this World?

In his book, Born A Crime, Trevor Noah the comedian talks about his mother. He says that she wanted to have a child to experience unconditional love; growing up she didn’t feel loved by her parents and she wanted to be unconditionally loved. Different people have children for different reason, which runs through the complete... Continue Reading →

I cried when he touched me…

I only wanted to say no, but didn’t… I couldn’t stop imagining his reaction to the rejection... the looks of anger and disappointment after... the guilt trips; that I am turning every good moment into a negative... the blame; that I am the one who doesn’t want or know how to enjoy the moment. I... Continue Reading →

The Road to Ultimate Happiness from Within

I get it, I get it... So ultimate ‘happiness from within’ is reaching a state of complete non-dependency from all external emotional, physical and materialistic needs... Wait what?!? So in order to achieve that, we need to abstain from every craving we have! Or do we need to turn every craving to a mere want,... Continue Reading →

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