Two-Day Yoga Retreat

I packed my bags and left... didn’t listen to his insults nor his commands of not to go. I needed this for me. I needed to breath; inhale life without the burdens or anxieties. I needed to switch off from the ugliness and cleanse my mind to be able to survive the next phase of... Continue Reading →

Crucify Your Mind

I was lying there in the sun, with my headphones on, listening to music after a wonderful morning yoga practice. For almost half an hour it was more than serene, feeling the sun’s heat against my face and the rhythm in my heart, feet tapping and mumbling the words. I have heard them before so... Continue Reading →

The Girl in Rags

This barley 6 year old girl in rags is playing with a puppy and a stick... she then crosses the street and just sits there, gazing upon the one lane unpaved dirt road. What is her tiny mind thinking of, what is she aspiring to, why does she look so worried? Is she thinking of... Continue Reading →

Lost my ability to identify Abuse

After years of emotional and verbal abuse, I believe I have lost the ability to understand the difference between an abusive controlling relationship and regular relationship conflicts... I have lived in the abnormal for so long that my inner scale to tell what is normal behavior and what isn’t has completely lost its balance. Where... Continue Reading →

I Crave Him

You know that feeling when you crave something so bad that you can smell it or taste or feel its texture between you fingertips... I’m craving for him I crave a touch I have only dreamt about but never experienced... I crave him in me, around me and all over me… I crave a bond... Continue Reading →

Taking the Decision

In Paulo Coelho’s book, Adultery; a book about a women who has this supposedly perfect life, but apathetic about it, and starts an affair she says: “Today I am a woman torn between the terror that everything might change and the equal terror that everything might carry on exactly the same for the rest of... Continue Reading →

So what is it? An Affair-ish?

"Had we followed through with the plan.. it would have turned into an affair".. that's probably true! It got me thinking of what is an affair? Where is the line drawn? When should one start to feel guilty? With SEX!? According to Wikipedia "An affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between... Continue Reading →

Am I Addicted to Misery?

I woke up angry... I want to scream and cry and sleep forever... It shouldn’t have been this way... I have wasted 13 years of my life on a dream of a marriage that never came to be. Every year I say I am giving it one more year, one more chance... and every year... Continue Reading →

My Secret Meditation Technique..

I have been trying to meditate for years... My thoughts always took over and I could barely breath till 3 before my active brain rushed with all the random and not so random thoughts... I tried the mantra meditation, it lasts a tad longer, but then it becomes repetitive that my thoughts sneak up on... Continue Reading →

My Devil’s Advocate Conversation

I am hesitant and indecisive and I just realised (although being constantly told otherwise in the past) that it is not because I am weak ... it’s merely because I involve other people in my decisions in my head! I fear judgment, which is a big part of it... and I fear all the negative possibilities that... Continue Reading →

Why is he not leaving?

It's been 10 days since he packed and returned most of our/his belongings back into storage in preparation for the leave. We agreed that the kids and I would stay here (my mother's extra apartment we've been living in for almost a year a half) and he would leave as per my request for a... Continue Reading →

Drawn to Him

With lust and attraction for him on my mind .. it’s getting harder and harder not to get to see him and talk to him ... to not want to kiss him every time we meet... I haven’t had that for anyone in the longest time and definitely not during my marriage. There’s this unexpected and... Continue Reading →

My Financial Independence

I saw this quote today and it brought sadness to my soul.. I was always taught that jealousy or envy is the worst trait anyone would possess. It eats you up and we should always be proud of other people’s success. But I can’t help myself lately... Whenever I find other people excelling at their... Continue Reading →

Euphoria of love

You might get exited over a discussion together and you might also have a lot in common, enjoy each other’s company and connect on a mental level. Eat the same food or read the same books. You might even share each other’s values and spiritual beliefs. Share mutual respect and good communication... But is that... Continue Reading →

My Faith in Love

My, in all aspects abusive, husband has destroyed my faith in lasting passion … in the fact that true love exists. I didn’t marry him for anything except to love and be loved. Kalil Gibran explains love by saying: Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked.... Continue Reading →

Is this life’s payback for something?

I am not the kind of person who looses things. I can misplace something every now and then but I know where everything usually is. I arrange my clothes according to season, outings, sleeve sizes, colours... etc. I arrange my house, where everything has a place, with boxes and ziplocks for everything, extra screws and... Continue Reading →

Teach your babies/toddlers sign language

During my pregnancy with my first daughter I started to panic … well for many reasons... but one of my fears were that I would not be able to understand her… know what she wants or what she’d be crying for. I was always told, that I as a mother would know… how sure are... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

Eliminating his Perception

Even though in my head and with all rational I should believe he is wrong… that his words should not get to me... BUT THEY DO... I became what he perceived me to be... It started by first trying to convince him of how wrong he is.. but he called that delusions of myself.. By... Continue Reading →

In Silence we Kissed

In secret we met In silence we kissed Heaven be it or earth the vow is now broken How could the soul forget?   In silence we kissed In seconds we stopped Could ever something so sinful feel that right?   In pride it will pass the yearning, the hunger, and the lust In silence... Continue Reading →

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