My Very Special Day…

So it was my birthday last Tuesday the 25th... A birthday is indeed a special day for everyone, simply because it marks a turning point in ones life; weather u have a successful or miserable life that doesn’t really matter, this is still your day your new year and yours alone. I tend to remember... Continue Reading →

I cried when he touched me…

I only wanted to say no, but didn’t… I couldn’t stop imagining his reaction to the rejection... the looks of anger and disappointment after... the guilt trips; that I am turning every good moment into a negative... the blame; that I am the one who doesn’t want or know how to enjoy the moment. I... Continue Reading →

The Road to Ultimate Happiness from Within

I get it, I get it... So ultimate ‘happiness from within’ is reaching a state of complete non-dependency from all external emotional, physical and materialistic needs... Wait what?!? So in order to achieve that, we need to abstain from every craving we have! Or do we need to turn every craving to a mere want,... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

Will you understand when I ask you to leave?

How will it be when I tell you to leave? Are going to be raging and angry and violent? Will you accuse and shame me for breaking us apart? Or will you understand? I picture your good byes and the blame in your eyes I imagine your pain and that i'd be breaking your heart... Continue Reading →

My Intervention!

I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen. One of them has been recently divorced after an 8... Continue Reading →

Lonely and Distant

I woke up lonely today... It's not that I don’t have friends or family... but I feel alone in my thoughts and alone in my dreams... I feel remote and distant from the world surrounding me, like I don’t belong. I don’t belong in this house, in this marriage, nor in this environment… I am... Continue Reading →

Two-Day Yoga Retreat

I packed my bags and left... didn’t listen to his insults nor his commands of not to go. I needed this for me. I needed to breath; inhale life without the burdens or anxieties. I needed to switch off from the ugliness and cleanse my mind to be able to survive the next phase of... Continue Reading →

I’m still learning

I’m still learning how to not have expectations when u’re around I plan alone and try not think if ever u’re gonna join I see u make arrangements and wonder if u’ll ever ask me to come along   I’m still learning not to care Not to feel and not to show I’m still learning... Continue Reading →

Eliminating destruction

Even though in my head and with all rational I should believe he is wrong… that his words should not get to me... BUT THEY DO... I became what he perceived me to be... It started by first trying to convince him of how wrong he is.. but he called that delusions of myself.. By... Continue Reading →

He called me a bad mother!

I cant even begin to write down the words from the pain. I have been trying to get myself together and help myself get out of this destructive environment but i find myself sucked back in the drama. I woke him, with him next to me, he's been finding other places to sleep on in... Continue Reading →

Seriously

You come and tell me that i am like a depressed little girl looking for things to get pissed at. That after your screaming and shouting and unstoppable criticism. You barley took a breath. So what, am i supposed to do? Press a reset button and be all sweet and cute and hop on u... Continue Reading →

GET OUT! GET OUT!

I know what i would be so bluntly told. GET OUT, just GET OUT. Get out of this toxic environment, because nothing will ever change. Because he has never added anything to your life, but in fact he has made you feel more worthless than you already feel. That you he will never view you... Continue Reading →

Affected by your look

Dear Husband I cant help but get affected by the way u shake your head when i start talking. The despise on ur face when you hear anything i say is like a knife through my soul. I hold my breath and start talking so fast to get my thoughts out, they come out crumbled... Continue Reading →

She woke up breathless

She woke up breathless tears socking in her eyes .. and the pillow beneath her couldn't handle all the cries Disillusioned by a nightmare that hasn’t appeared to her in years Was it because her life has crumbled and the years spent has proven inept? Was it because she missed the life she no longer... Continue Reading →

Dear Husband, should I care?

You came home after some business meeting today and you looked pretty ill. If it were anyone else I would have been attentive, I would have sprung up and brought you food, a warm drink and cradled with love and a kiss. But you aren't anyone else. You are the husband who blamed me when... Continue Reading →

The Need for approval is Toxic

Dear Husband, I am tried of waiting for your approval after 10 years of marriage. For you to fall in love with me again or maybe ever. I am tried of waiting for you to appreciate me and my mind. To value me as a person, wife and mother. To think of me as someone... Continue Reading →

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