The Crane Wife Article

The Crane Wife, by CJ Hauser is one of the deepest relationship articles I have read, one that is so eloquently and delicately written. I was forwarded the piece by a friend and, for the days following, I kept reading it over and over again and realized it was shared among a number of women…. On... Continue Reading →

I got involved and almost lost my arm in the process…

I got a phone call from my mother around 4 am crying that something might be happening to my sister... I thought she was tripping, but 10 minutes later she was at my doorstep. She explained that my sister’s deadbeat husband called her yelling to come take her daughter from there and threatening to divorce... Continue Reading →

Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

My Best Friend of over 20 years tried to Kiss Me!

Later that night, one of my oldest friends called and wanted to talk, so I invited him over for some drinks at the bar downstairs in the hotel where I was staying... of course I had to make up a lie about why I was staying at a hotel while my apartment is kids-free for... Continue Reading →

What are you waiting for? Divorce him already!

People keep asking me why don’t I just divorce him already and get it over with... What are you waiting for? It's been three months since he moved out! They tend to assume that because I am not insisting and pushing for a divorce that I still want him, or that I am keeping the... Continue Reading →

You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

I am so tired of this rollercoaster of emotions he goes through and pours down on me every chance he gets... It starts with a message of how much I have fucked up the family and destroyed his life and screwing up the kids' lives and creating a dysfunctional environment for everyone... to he’s been... Continue Reading →

My Sister is a Wreck… and I feel helpless…

We have not been everyday close, but she is the closest thing to my heart... and I miss her and I hate that she has become so messed-up that I don’t even recognise her. She’s my only sister, and I know that if shit hits the fan, she'll be the only one in my corner... Continue Reading →

Understanding Guilt…

Someone I got to know recently got me flowers yesterday… it was a thank you he said. Well, he didn't say why, but I think maybe for helping him out with a conversation he was afraid to have and/or maybe also because I got him to his first yoga class, which he dreaded to begin… I... Continue Reading →

A Narcissist’s Reaction to Separation…

Well I believe that all of us have traces of narcissistic traits, but some just have it so pronounced... My dear old husband texted me the other day and stayed texting for 8 hours… 8 continues hours of hateful messages filled with pain but stuffed with angry and extremely hurtful and insulting words, bringing up 12... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

Dealing with the Guilt of ending the Marriage…

I had a dream of a wonderful and happy marriage, a relationship of passion and respect that I would be proud of... Perhaps a utopian dream or some over compensation from my parents' failed marriage, but I was willing with my whole soul and being to give it my all and to sacrifice whatever it... Continue Reading →

I lost myself in him…

I have always kept certain truths about myself contained from people, where along the years I learnt to play roles with people to either please or fit-in or avoid criticism or judgment… I wasn’t really my true self except with maybe a couple of people, which defiantly did not include my husband. In my marriage,... Continue Reading →

He Burnt the Last String…

It was the last string and he managed to pull it, tear it and burn it... It wasn’t about the car! It disclosed way much more… It revealed that I am and never will be his priority, and he will never appreciate me nor the effort I have put in this marriage and with the... Continue Reading →

Flirting is Empowering…

For the first time ever…  I flirted my way into getting something done. Two days ago, I flirted my way into renewing my driver’s license, and if you have ever lived in a third world country you would know that bureaucracy and bribes are the heart of getting any paper done, let alone renewing a... Continue Reading →

Self-Worth Affirmations…

I grew up with words like don’t be dramatic, you sound silly and look stupid, you look anemic…. you are still young and inexperienced and I do and always will “know better”. I grew up with implied notions that I’m a terrible decision-maker and nothing I ever do will be good enough… that no matter... Continue Reading →

Although appreciated… Attention is not what I am looking for…

People get attracted for so may different reasons; physic, personality, sent, hormones, tone of voice, early childhood experiences, experiences gained over the years, certain maturity level, mutual value systems… etc. Apparently there is a science behind it, according to Lisa Firestone Ph.D. And I think my choice of men has evolved and matured dramatically, however,... Continue Reading →

He managed to manage my expectations…

What is it that is expected from a spouse when their partner falls sick? It is not a rhetorical question… I genuinely don't know the answer to that! My husband of 12 years made me bowl of soup once… I remember it, because it was right after giving birth to our second baby. My hemoglobin... Continue Reading →

Old age is Cruel… So live while you Can

Although no one can reject it... nor deny it... nor prevent it, aging is inevitable. And old age is cruel! It is filled with frailness and decay. Yes it is filled with wisdom, but what is wisdom without the body and mind to live it. Our health starts fading day by day and even if... Continue Reading →

15 Years of…

There is something about unhappiness… it is awful and unbearable until something worse comes along and then that unhappiness becomes unacknowledged and under appreciated happiness that we’ve missed the opportunity to value... accordingly this is the biggest fear when someone is trying to obliterate current unhappiness. It’s the what-ifs that haunt the mind that this... Continue Reading →

His death was like Therapy.. May he rest in peace

It was the most shocking news I have ever received. He rides motorcycles, but no not an accident, did drugs, but no not an overdose, he wasn’t even sick nor overly stressed. Athletic, positive, family person, loved by all… Last year like today a good friend of mine passed away at 39 years old. He... Continue Reading →

Who will Witness who they Truly are…

It takes a village to raise a child. Although that might not necessarily be 100% true, it would sure be nice. When and if I do find it, any kind of help is always appreciated and welcomed in my book. However, help is not it... I would have truly loved to have a village or... Continue Reading →

A Happy Morning..

For the past week or so, I have been trying to write about that morning together... because other than the physical part, it has been a tad uneasy! Not until I saw him for coffee today, I could at least try. Not that anything really happened or that we spent more time than usual together,... Continue Reading →

The cycle of Abuse continues…

I woke up yesterday on my daughter’s cry... Apparently the nanny decided to wake her up herself a bit early and she was crying that she didn’t want her to do anything for, because she never does. He was sleeping next to me and he hasn’t been home for a couple days, spending the night... Continue Reading →

He Screamed at my Baby…

One dinner night in Germany during the terrifying Germany trip we were at his uncle's. While we were all sitting on the dining table, after a fee hours of waiting for everyone so we would eat, our 4 year old was acting out and didn’t want to eat. She was tried and cranky and barely... Continue Reading →

Family Trip of Anger

So we went to Germany during the winter holidays, the trip from its start felt like a burden on me and I didn’t want to fight that too. Think positive I said to myself, the kids will have fun, they would see their family, it’s only a couple of weeks and it would be a... Continue Reading →

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