Flirting is Empowering…

For the first time ever…  I flirted my way into getting something done. Two days ago, I flirted my way into renewing my driver’s license, and if you have ever lived in a third world country you would know that bureaucracy and bribes are the heart of getting any paper done, let alone renewing a... Continue Reading →

Self-Worth Affirmations…

I grew up with words like don’t be dramatic, you sound silly and look stupid, you look anemic…. you are still young and inexperienced and I do and always will “know better”. I grew up with implied notions that I’m a terrible decision-maker and nothing I ever do will be good enough… that no matter... Continue Reading →

Although appreciated… Attention is not what I am looking for…

People get attracted for so may different reasons; physic, personality, sent, hormones, tone of voice, early childhood experiences, experiences gained over the years, certain maturity level, mutual value systems… etc. Apparently there is a science behind it, according to Lisa Firestone Ph.D. And I think my choice of men has evolved and matured dramatically, however,... Continue Reading →

He managed to manage my expectations…

What is it that is expected from a spouse when their partner falls sick? It is not a rhetorical question… I genuinely don't know the answer to that! My husband of 12 years made me bowl of soup once… I remember it, because it was right after giving birth to our second baby. My hemoglobin... Continue Reading →

Old age is Cruel… So live while you Can

Although no one can reject it... nor deny it... nor prevent it, aging is inevitable. And old age is cruel! It is filled with frailness and decay. Yes it is filled with wisdom, but what is wisdom without the body and mind to live it. Our health starts fading day by day and even if... Continue Reading →

15 Years of…

There is something about unhappiness… it is awful and unbearable until something worse comes along and then that unhappiness becomes unacknowledged and under appreciated happiness that we’ve missed the opportunity to value... accordingly this is the biggest fear when someone is trying to obliterate current unhappiness. It’s the what-ifs that haunt the mind that this... Continue Reading →

His death was like Therapy.. May he rest in peace

It was the most shocking news I have ever received. He rides motorcycles, but no not an accident, did drugs, but no not an overdose, he wasn’t even sick nor overly stressed. Athletic, positive, family person, loved by all… Last year like today a good friend of mine passed away at 39 years old. He... Continue Reading →

Who will Witness who they Truly are…

It takes a village to raise a child. Although that might not necessarily be 100% true, it would sure be nice. When and if I do find it, any kind of help is always appreciated and welcomed in my book. However, help is not it... I would have truly loved to have a village or... Continue Reading →

A Happy Morning..

For the past week or so, I have been trying to write about that morning together... because other than the physical part, it has been a tad uneasy! Not until I saw him for coffee today, I could at least try. Not that anything really happened or that we spent more time than usual together,... Continue Reading →

The cycle of Abuse continues…

I woke up yesterday on my daughter’s cry... Apparently the nanny decided to wake her up herself a bit early and she was crying that she didn’t want her to do anything for, because she never does. He was sleeping next to me and he hasn’t been home for a couple days, spending the night... Continue Reading →

He Screamed at my Baby…

One dinner night in Germany during the terrifying Germany trip we were at his uncle's. While we were all sitting on the dining table, after a fee hours of waiting for everyone so we would eat, our 4 year old was acting out and didn’t want to eat. She was tried and cranky and barely... Continue Reading →

Family Trip of Anger

So we went to Germany during the winter holidays, the trip from its start felt like a burden on me and I didn’t want to fight that too. Think positive I said to myself, the kids will have fun, they would see their family, it’s only a couple of weeks and it would be a... Continue Reading →

Help or Let be…

When you sit and watch people’s faces in any place in the world, you feel that all humans are equally pathetic and lost and weak… American’s, Europeans, Arabs, Africans or Chinese … Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Agnostic or Atheists … White, Black, Brown or Red … Regardless of our race or religion or marital status, we... Continue Reading →

My Daughter’s Gymnastics trainer hit her…

For about a moth before her championship - under 7 years - she and her team have been training like crazy, 6 days a week, three hours each. It has been so hectic, taking her to training everyday and waiting for the three hours outside the hall for her to finish. Every day I ask... Continue Reading →

He lost our daughter at a fair the other day..

We had our yearly Christmas Bazaar at our high school; and it’s been a tradition to go to every year; a reunion and fun day with friends and kids and whatnot. The day started like every other weekend; him sleeping and me waking up with the girls, washing them up, breakfast, feeding, running after each... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

Will you understand when I ask you to leave?

How will it be when I tell you to leave? Are going to be raging and angry and violent? Will you accuse and shame me for breaking us apart? Or will you understand? I picture your good byes and the blame in your eyes I imagine your pain and that i'd be breaking your heart... Continue Reading →

My Intervention!

I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen. One of them has been recently divorced after an 8... Continue Reading →

Lonely and Distant

I woke up lonely today... It's not that I don’t have friends or family... but I feel alone in my thoughts and alone in my dreams... I feel remote and distant from the world surrounding me, like I don’t belong. I don’t belong in this house, in this marriage, nor in this environment… I am... Continue Reading →

Two-Day Yoga Retreat

I packed my bags and left... didn’t listen to his insults nor his commands of not to go. I needed this for me. I needed to breath; inhale life without the burdens or anxieties. I needed to switch off from the ugliness and cleanse my mind to be able to survive the next phase of... Continue Reading →

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