His death was like Therapy.. May he rest in peace

It was the most shocking news I have ever received. He rides motorcycles, but no not an accident, did drugs, but no not an overdose, he wasn’t even sick nor overly stressed. Athletic, positive, family person, loved by all… Last year like today a good friend of mine passed away at 39 years old. He... Continue Reading →

Who will Witness who they Truly are…

It takes a village to raise a child. Although that might not necessarily be 100% true, it would sure be nice. When and if I do find it, any kind of help is always appreciated and welcomed in my book. However, help is not it... I would have truly loved to have a village or... Continue Reading →

Self-destruction runs in the Family..

What is wrong with the both of us? What made us so self-disrespectful? How did both of us turn out to be so fucked up? Was is the way we were raised? Our parents loved us both so much, they have literally sacrificed every ounce of time and energy for us, were never stingy on... Continue Reading →

A Stay-at-Home-Mom going Insane

It is difficult for people to comprehend, how lonely one gets when you are surrounded by people most of the time (well little people)… and how is it that I want to run away from the ones I cannot imagine living without? But is it mentally and emotionally exhausting and I don't even feel like... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

Will you understand when I ask you to leave?

How will it be when I tell you to leave? Are going to be raging and angry and violent? Will you accuse and shame me for breaking us apart? Or will you understand? I picture your good byes and the blame in your eyes I imagine your pain and that i'd be breaking your heart... Continue Reading →

My Intervention!

I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen. One of them has been recently divorced after an 8... Continue Reading →

Smile More Mum…

I usually ask my daughters questions about how they view me to help me understand myself and my relationship with them better. Me: What does mummy need to do more of? My five year old, without hesitation, told me that I need to smile more. She is right. Smiling plays a very important role in... Continue Reading →

My Devil’s Advocate Conversation

I am hesitant and indecisive and I just realised (although being constantly told otherwise in the past) that it is not because I am weak ... it’s merely because I involve other people in my decisions in my head! I fear judgment, which is a big part of it... and I fear all the negative possibilities that... Continue Reading →

Why is he not leaving?

It's been 10 days since he packed and returned most of our/his belongings back into storage in preparation for the leave. We agreed that the kids and I would stay here (my mother's extra apartment we've been living in for almost a year a half) and he would leave as per my request for a... Continue Reading →

In or Out?

Sitting here in the empty living room, he has decided to move out to our supposedly new place away from my mother’s realm, thinking about where I stand in this marriage. His theory is, we’ve been told to leave - I’ll get to why in a bit -, lets move out and then figure out... Continue Reading →

The next day of the … well of the violence

After the beating, things got really complicated specially that’s been two and a half months. Anyway this is about the next day... and the rest will take a faster pace... The day of, he was packing to leave. It took him around 6 hours to pack. I got the kids from my mom’s downstairs and... Continue Reading →

I understand!

Our lives have intertwined in ways that cannot be unbinded; we’ve seen the love, the hate and the stagnation in between. Most of the time we try to forget what was said and the details of what was done, but Maya Angelou once said, people will never forget how you made them feel. And this... Continue Reading →

Becoming love

I watched this movie the other day, recommended by a person I dearly respect, collateral beauty. Highly recommended by the way. But a word struck me. Edward Norton tried to explain his love for his daughter and said, “I realized I wasn’t feeling love, I had become love.” Exactly, parents are love, they shape the way their... Continue Reading →

My undefinable personality?

In my quest to self-development, I was asked to write down 15 of my personality traits in order to link them to the maybe decision I took when I was barely 8. The decision that I am weak, shy and not capable. I have been trying to get on it for almost a week now.... Continue Reading →

Is it only in my head

The other day we were taking our daughter for her first day to KG, he didn't have to come. He never did with our 5 yr old. But sure that should be a nice thing. Husband: When are we gonna go down? Me: We go down 7:45. Husband: Why not earlier? Me: Because we need... Continue Reading →

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