A Soothing Kiss

I decided to tone him off during the winter holidays... I was traveling with family and he with his... and it was the best opportunity to try make this lustful attachment fade out, because like he told me a few days before we left, “i’m trying really hard not fuck up our lives”. So yes,... Continue Reading →

Violence Relapse…

It has been a year since his last physical abuse with me, but like so many have told me, if he did it once, he'll do it again. New years eve was our eldest daughter's birthday; turning 6. We have always had this tradition to go dress shopping that morning just me and her together,... Continue Reading →

He lives on a cloud of recklessness…

As I was skimming through my emails one morning before getting out of bed, I found tickets booked for a trip to Germany for all four of us, him, the kids and myself. We had talked about it very very briefly about a month ago... about the possibility of traveling and when the kids have... Continue Reading →

Married to an addict… apparently

One of my husband’s best friends called me today morning telling me that we need find a solution for my husband’s drug addition. For the longest time, I was trying to avoid this conversation with anyone or the actual fact that this problem exists; specially because this was one conversation I never thought I would... Continue Reading →

He lost our daughter at a fair the other day..

We had our yearly Christmas Bazaar at our high school; and it’s been a tradition to go to every year; a reunion and fun day with friends and kids and whatnot. The day started like every other weekend; him sleeping and me waking up with the girls, washing them up, breakfast, feeding, running after each... Continue Reading →

Relationships Cycle vs Mine

Everyone changes over time and so do marriages. The cycles in marriages could either bring a couple closer together or makes them grow more distant. Although we get into relationships thinking they should be the securest and most reliable entity, they are very precarious... just one wrong turn and they go down... A healthy cycle... Continue Reading →

Uncomfortably Frozen

Seeing the wife was the strangest encounter ever.. I kept telling myself nothing happened and probably nothing will ever happen, so to convince myself that nothing should be or feel so awkward! But it still was.. I wasn’t myself and probably was this obnoxious person, that she had no idea why is talking or sitting... Continue Reading →

My Intervention!

I went down with my two best friends yesterday. They wanted to discuss me and my abusive marriage. It was so uncomfortable I had to chug two tequila shots and half a bottle of wine in the first 10mim just to get myself to listen. One of them has been recently divorced after an 8... Continue Reading →

Lonely and Distant

I woke up lonely today... It's not that I don’t have friends or family... but I feel alone in my thoughts and alone in my dreams... I feel remote and distant from the world surrounding me, like I don’t belong. I don’t belong in this house, in this marriage, nor in this environment… I am... Continue Reading →

My Faith in Love

My, in all aspects abusive, husband has destroyed my faith in lasting passion … in the fact that true love exists. I didn’t marry him for anything except to love and be loved. Kalil Gibran explains love by saying: Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked.... Continue Reading →

I understand!

Our lives have intertwined in ways that cannot be unbinded; we’ve seen the love, the hate and the stagnation in between. Most of the time we try to forget what was said and the details of what was done, but Maya Angelou once said, people will never forget how you made them feel. And this... Continue Reading →

I’m still learning

I’m still learning how to not have expectations when u’re around I plan alone and try not think if ever u’re gonna join I see u make arrangements and wonder if u’ll ever ask me to come along   I’m still learning not to care Not to feel and not to show I’m still learning... Continue Reading →

The day of the beating

The day of.. i had a sleepless night feeding the puppies and the eldest girl waking up several times.. one of the puppies starting getting really sick and i have already lost a pup 5 days before. Yes, i’ve been told, it’s v hard to keep them alive without the mom, but it’s still heart... Continue Reading →

Loneliness

I sit here in the bedroom, with something going on on the TV in the background. I have put the kids to bed after running the daily chores of motherhood. I wanted a person to talk to, but u had already told me that i'm a disruption to ur time. That my interruptions are not... Continue Reading →

Eliminating destruction

Even though in my head and with all rational I should believe he is wrong… that his words should not get to me... BUT THEY DO... I became what he perceived me to be... It started by first trying to convince him of how wrong he is.. but he called that delusions of myself.. By... Continue Reading →

He called me a bad mother!

I cant even begin to write down the words from the pain. I have been trying to get myself together and help myself get out of this destructive environment but i find myself sucked back in the drama. I woke him, with him next to me, he's been finding other places to sleep on in... Continue Reading →

Personality Traits – Part 1

After another deeper session into my being, the decision I made as a little girl became clearer. I made a decision as a 5 year old child, that "I am stupid", but it came to me in a way that was so defensive. NO, I am Not Stupid. I know ... stupid is a very... Continue Reading →

My undefinable personality?

In my quest to self-development, I was asked to write down 15 of my personality traits in order to link them to the maybe decision I took when I was barely 8. The decision that I am weak, shy and not capable. I have been trying to get on it for almost a week now.... Continue Reading →

Do i have something valuable to add?

Dear Husband, You came home late last night. I am guessing you were still at that conference, or maybe left and went somewhere after that. Could a conference last until 12 midnight? Maybe, how would I know? I tried not to ask so much. But, you came back, expecting me to be all sweet and welcoming. I... Continue Reading →

Is it only in my head

The other day we were taking our daughter for her first day to KG, he didn't have to come. He never did with our 5 yr old. But sure that should be a nice thing. Husband: When are we gonna go down? Me: We go down 7:45. Husband: Why not earlier? Me: Because we need... Continue Reading →

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