Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

Family Pillar Crumbling…

In order not to regret going on any anger spree, I have been letting it eat me alive! Nevertheless, I have been extremely angry these past weeks ... and that is not who I am... I am not one to get anger triggered that easily and if I do, I usually could easily control my... Continue Reading →

What Were The Odds… !!

We didn’t meet again since that last time at the hotel room until a couple of weeks ago. We would briefly catch up through texting or sexting from time to time; him traveling with his family and I, with all the incidents and events over the past couple of months. Ironically, the first time we... Continue Reading →

The Crane Wife Article

The Crane Wife, by CJ Hauser is one of the deepest relationship articles I have read, one that is so eloquently and delicately written. I was forwarded the piece by a friend and, for the days following, I kept reading it over and over again and realized it was shared among a number of women…. On... Continue Reading →

I got involved and almost lost my arm in the process…

I got a phone call from my mother around 4 am crying that something might be happening to my sister... I thought she was tripping, but 10 minutes later she was at my doorstep. She explained that my sister’s deadbeat husband called her yelling to come take her daughter from there and threatening to divorce... Continue Reading →

Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

What is a loving relationship?

During one of my therapy sessions, a few weeks ago, I told my therapist that I do not think that I really believe in true love anymore and after you feel love for a child the rest is just worthless. He, my therapist, so patiently told me “because you have never been in a loving relationship before” and... Continue Reading →

My Best Friend of over 20 years tried to Kiss Me!

Later that night, one of my oldest friends called and wanted to talk, so I invited him over for some drinks at the bar downstairs in the hotel where I was staying... of course I had to make up a lie about why I was staying at a hotel while my apartment is kids-free for... Continue Reading →

Amsterdam Invite…Part 1 of the Hoovering

After days of fighting about how much I have broken the family and that I have no empathy of what he’s going through and don’t care about his happiness... screaming about how I am now controlling his time with his girls when I am too immature, with no plan nor vision, to have such authority... Continue Reading →

The Story behind Affairs…Who Started it?

There has actually never been one definition to what counts as marital cheating, however regardless of how you would define it; porn, sexting, fantasizing about other people or a full-blown romantic affair, I do not believe it starts there… the story of most infidelities starts waaaay before that. In marriage we tend to turn to... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

What are you waiting for? Divorce him already!

People keep asking me why don’t I just divorce him already and get it over with... What are you waiting for? It's been three months since he moved out! They tend to assume that because I am not insisting and pushing for a divorce that I still want him, or that I am keeping the... Continue Reading →

Be Happy today… just for Today!

I decided to be happy and grateful at least just for the day. I decided to find pleasure in the tiny things around me. I decided not to complain about anything whatsoever and accept the suffering within me and around me as part of my journey today. I decided that because, I woke up angry... Continue Reading →

You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

I am so tired of this rollercoaster of emotions he goes through and pours down on me every chance he gets... It starts with a message of how much I have fucked up the family and destroyed his life and screwing up the kids' lives and creating a dysfunctional environment for everyone... to he’s been... Continue Reading →

My Sister is a Wreck… and I feel helpless…

We have not been everyday close, but she is the closest thing to my heart... and I miss her and I hate that she has become so messed-up that I don’t even recognise her. She’s my only sister, and I know that if shit hits the fan, she'll be the only one in my corner... Continue Reading →

Understanding Guilt…

Someone I got to know recently got me flowers yesterday… it was a thank you he said. Well, he didn't say why, but I think maybe for helping him out with a conversation he was afraid to have and/or maybe also because I got him to his first yoga class, which he dreaded to begin… I... Continue Reading →

A Narcissist’s Reaction to Separation…

Well I believe that all of us have traces of narcissistic traits, but some just have it so pronounced... My dear old husband texted me the other day and stayed texting for 8 hours… 8 continues hours of hateful messages filled with pain but stuffed with angry and extremely hurtful and insulting words, bringing up 12... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

A Holiday Fling…

Here's a story I will forever remember with a person I would probably never meet again... I met him at the dinner buffet ... we were both waiting for our pasta. He was due to go before me and didn’t know what to order… we shared a laugh and some small talk about what we’re... Continue Reading →

My body remembers him…

It seems like ages pass by between one touch and the other and in between I don’t know who forgets about whom… or who longs for whom… I do miss him and I keep reminding myself that he’s not mine to miss… But, even when my mind forgets, my body remembers, it longs for him...... Continue Reading →

I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human... more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they... were only stories he tells,... Continue Reading →

Can Pride prevent a Parent from seeing his Children?

I don’t get how a father has such an ego to an extent not to see his kids… and such an audacity to claim that because I am the one who asked for the separation or as he so adversely puts it “kicked him out of the house and deprived him from sleeping in the... Continue Reading →

Belief System… No right or wrong

I never shared my belief system with anyone... mainly because I consider it very personal and to each their own and partly because I could never articulate it… But one thing I know for absolute certainty that every truth about spirituality is refutable, where no one will ever know for certain whether what they believe... Continue Reading →

Dealing with the Guilt of ending the Marriage…

I had a dream of a wonderful and happy marriage, a relationship of passion and respect that I would be proud of... Perhaps a utopian dream or some over compensation from my parents' failed marriage, but I was willing with my whole soul and being to give it my all and to sacrifice whatever it... Continue Reading →

I lost myself in him…

I have always kept certain truths about myself contained from people, where along the years I learnt to play roles with people to either please or fit-in or avoid criticism or judgment… I wasn’t really my true self except with maybe a couple of people, which defiantly did not include my husband. In my marriage,... Continue Reading →

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