Was Lonelier with him than I am without Him…

All through my marriage, I was always in the defensive mode. Shielding myself from the accusations, seeing my life through his needs and myself through his critical eyes and trying to be not disapproved of. I would see discontent in his looks and lay awake wondering what have I done wrong now, how can he... Continue Reading →

I’m sorry the walls between reality and your innocence are fading…

We always want to show our children the best of the world, the kindness of the world, the beauty and positive, the love and compassion, the laughter and the passion. And when the cruel realities of life show itself in any form, we try to cover their eyes, shield them from the pain. They are... Continue Reading →

I will never forgive him for that…

And to think for a second there I felt a spark... even from far away. As I was dropping off the kids... walking towards him, I checked him out. I haven’t done that in ages… But that didn’t last long, the second I came closer, I felt the hostile energy, the resentment, the fear I... Continue Reading →

Single Parenting is killing my Essence…

I’m done with the kids birthday season… and I’m so damn exhausted. It’s not that it’s hard, but I just hate doing all this alone. I’m tired of being a single parent during or outside the marriage, with a supposedly partner who doesn’t contribute. Ohhh yes he pays for it, but that’s it. He comes... Continue Reading →

Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

What is a loving relationship?

During one of my therapy sessions, a few weeks ago, I told my therapist that I do not think that I really believe in true love anymore and after you feel love for a child the rest is just worthless. He, my therapist, so patiently told me “because you have never been in a loving relationship before” and... Continue Reading →

Becoming aware of my Inner Critics

I have recently become aware that I have three ghosts in my life… One, is floating near the corner of my head. She is constantly whispering in my ear to watch out for judgments… warning me from the scrutinisation I am going to receive for my decisions or actions… cautioning me that whatever choice I... Continue Reading →

You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

I am so tired of this rollercoaster of emotions he goes through and pours down on me every chance he gets... It starts with a message of how much I have fucked up the family and destroyed his life and screwing up the kids' lives and creating a dysfunctional environment for everyone... to he’s been... Continue Reading →

My Sister is a Wreck… and I feel helpless…

We have not been everyday close, but she is the closest thing to my heart... and I miss her and I hate that she has become so messed-up that I don’t even recognise her. She’s my only sister, and I know that if shit hits the fan, she'll be the only one in my corner... Continue Reading →

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: