Such Passion is Prayer…

Laying in my bed after he left, the same bed he was just on, smelling him on my pillow and on my sheets… in awe of what just happened. I could still feel his lips on me, his hands upon me, his arms embracing me, his breath united with mine. I was in complete serenity.... Continue Reading →

Sex, as a refuge, blues

I have sex for all kinds of reasons, one of which is, of course, my relentless passionate desires and the love of sex and seduction itself. But I also find refuge in fucking... I have had sex when I’m happy and when I’m sad, when I am angry or frustrated and when I’m confident and... Continue Reading →

Releasing my Sexual Energy with a Friend

A couple of days ago a friend of mine passed by… We ordered food and had wine along with a very long and profound conversation about our fucked up marriages and ended up talking about our sex lives during our marriages. We had very different experiences. For me sex was of the most important reasons... Continue Reading →

Pictures… Accepting my Sufferings

I was posting an Instagram story for a friend and found myself scrolling through old pictures. Without even noticing I found myself led to a very long trip down memory lane… 16 years of memories of our life together. If anyone saw them, they would probably swear that we were one of the happiest and... Continue Reading →

My understanding of a Healthy Relationship… after years of Abuse

The idea of a stable healthy relationship has always been so far fetched that in my 16 years with him, all I knew was how much he hurt me and all I ever wanted is for that to stop, all I wanted was for the nice moments to last just a tad longer than they... Continue Reading →

Intense Callings

What’s the difference between liking someone and loving someone? What tips the scale... in family, is it the family bond? On a romantic level, is it physical attraction?… These questions triggered a whole insane therapy session, where I came to the knowledge that I don't really have those intense deep overwhelming feelings towards much in... Continue Reading →

Fear of Loss…

I think today marks the first time I ever thought twice before texting him... We met a few days ago and although after I left, I felt lighter and more confident than I have been in months, his silence this time scared me! It is still weightless. It is still intimate and passionate... It’s still... Continue Reading →

I just was not into him…

A friend of mine passed by today to drop off a book; the same friend who I enjoyed flirting with and leading on a few months back. I haven’t seen him since the last time we kissed in his car and had no interest on doing so either, however a few days ago we started... Continue Reading →

I will never forgive him for that…

And to think for a second there I felt a spark... even from far away. As I was dropping off the kids... walking towards him, I checked him out. I haven’t done that in ages… But that didn’t last long, the second I came closer, I felt the hostile energy, the resentment, the fear I... Continue Reading →

It started with a Kiss

When I met him; he was married and I was married so I thought, “well this is safe”. We would meet and talk for hours; from one interesting conversation to the next and over a very short period we became close, and without even realising it I opened up to him and him to me... Continue Reading →

Maybe it’s time to Walk Away

He’s having a baby and I don't know how I should feel about it... I’m happy for him and for them. I’m happy that his family is growing and that his kid will have a sibling. We talked about sleepless nights and prams and delivery arrangements. We talked about pregnancies and kids and schools… I... Continue Reading →

Marriage and Romanticism Survivor

I survived 13 years of marriage... not in the sense that marriage is hard and I managed to make it work, but like people survive cancer… I am a marriage survivor! It was like going through an enchanted forest, and found myself fighting daemons and mutants and shape shifters and goblins and zombies and elves...... Continue Reading →

Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

The Broken-Hearted are an Easy Target

Although not all men are hunters, all women are prey and predators pick out easy prey! Therefore, if a man is not looking for a long-term relationship or just wants a quick fuck, the broken-hearted ones are one of the easiest preys to catch; along with girls with daddy/mommy issues, codependents and ones who recently... Continue Reading →

Amsterdam Invite… Hoovering Part I

After days of fighting about how much I have broken the family and that I have no empathy of what he’s going through and don’t care about his happiness... screaming about how I am now controlling his time with his girls when I am too immature, with no plan nor vision, to have such authority... Continue Reading →

The Story behind Affairs…Who Started it?

There has actually never been one definition to what counts as marital cheating, however regardless of how you would define it; porn, sexting, fantasizing about other people or a full-blown romantic affair, I do not believe it starts there… the story of most infidelities starts waaaay before that. In marriage we tend to turn to... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

Sexual Fantasies…

It was a warm mid afternoon, sun shining through clear skies. We sat there for a while after lunch, talking about life and pasts and sharing thoughts on different subjects. It was comfortable and peaceful. We’d kiss between conversations with slight and subtle touching… grazing my inner thigh… leaning in to touch my neck… tracing... Continue Reading →

Sex, with Feelings and Respect

It’s just sex, with feelings and respect, he said… and I like that, because, it really is a good and honest friendship that happen to be accompanied by an amazing sexual connection... and calling it anything else, would make it sound ugly and unethical and bad... It somehow does not feel like cheating, at least... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human... more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they... were only stories he tells,... Continue Reading →

Dealing with the Guilt of ending the Marriage…

I had a dream of a wonderful and happy marriage, a relationship of passion and respect that I would be proud of... Perhaps a utopian dream or some over compensation from my parents' failed marriage, but I was willing with my whole soul and being to give it my all and to sacrifice whatever it... Continue Reading →

I lost myself in him…

I have always kept certain truths about myself contained from people, where along the years I learnt to play roles with people to either please or fit-in or avoid criticism or judgment… I wasn’t really my true self except with maybe a couple of people, which defiantly did not include my husband. In my marriage,... Continue Reading →

He Burnt the Last String…

It was the last string and he managed to pull it, tear it and burn it... It wasn’t about the car! It disclosed way much more… It revealed that I am and never will be his priority, and he will never appreciate me nor the effort I have put in this marriage and with the... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

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