I got involved and almost lost my arm in the process…

I got a phone call from my mother around 4 am crying that something might be happening to my sister... I thought she was tripping, but 10 minutes later she was at my doorstep. She explained that my sister’s deadbeat husband called her yelling to come take her daughter from there and threatening to divorce... Continue Reading →

The Broken-Hearted are an Easy Target

Although not all men are hunters, all women are prey and predators pick out easy prey! Therefore, if a man is not looking for a long-term relationship or just wants a quick fuck, the broken-hearted ones are one of the easiest preys to catch; along with girls with daddy/mommy issues, codependents and ones who recently... Continue Reading →

Amsterdam Invite…Part 1 of the Hoovering

After days of fighting about how much I have broken the family and that I have no empathy of what he’s going through and don’t care about his happiness... screaming about how I am now controlling his time with his girls when I am too immature, with no plan nor vision, to have such authority... Continue Reading →

The Story behind Affairs…Who Started it?

There has actually never been one definition to what counts as marital cheating, however regardless of how you would define it; porn, sexting, fantasizing about other people or a full-blown romantic affair, I do not believe it starts there… the story of most infidelities starts waaaay before that. In marriage we tend to turn to... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

Sexual Fantasies…

It was a warm mid afternoon, sun shining through clear skies. We sat there for a while after lunch, talking about life and pasts and sharing thoughts on different subjects. It was comfortable and peaceful. We’d kiss between conversations with slight and subtle touching… grazing my inner thigh… leaning in to touch my neck… tracing... Continue Reading →

Sex, with Feelings and Respect

It’s just sex, with feelings and respect, he said… and I like that, because, it really is a good and honest friendship that happen to be accompanied by an amazing sexual connection... and calling it anything else, would make it sound ugly and unethical and bad... It somehow does not feel like cheating, at least... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human... more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they... were only stories he tells,... Continue Reading →

Dealing with the Guilt of ending the Marriage…

I had a dream of a wonderful and happy marriage, a relationship of passion and respect that I would be proud of... Perhaps a utopian dream or some over compensation from my parents' failed marriage, but I was willing with my whole soul and being to give it my all and to sacrifice whatever it... Continue Reading →

I lost myself in him…

I have always kept certain truths about myself contained from people, where along the years I learnt to play roles with people to either please or fit-in or avoid criticism or judgment… I wasn’t really my true self except with maybe a couple of people, which defiantly did not include my husband. In my marriage,... Continue Reading →

He Burnt the Last String…

It was the last string and he managed to pull it, tear it and burn it... It wasn’t about the car! It disclosed way much more… It revealed that I am and never will be his priority, and he will never appreciate me nor the effort I have put in this marriage and with the... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

Can Affairs Prolong Marriages?

Can cheating help a marriage survive longer? And really… should one help rescue such a marriage, if it is in need of that sort of help! I wrote about this before, but the thought has been haunting me for a few days now. He said that if it weren’t for sex-on-the-side,his, around two-decade relationship, would... Continue Reading →

Old age is Cruel… So live while you Can

Although no one can reject it... nor deny it... nor prevent it, aging is inevitable. And old age is cruel! It is filled with frailness and decay. Yes it is filled with wisdom, but what is wisdom without the body and mind to live it. Our health starts fading day by day and even if... Continue Reading →

Taking Turns…

It was both of our daughters’ school orientation and I was dreading the fact that I’d see him there. His wife was out of town, which meant he would come alone and I was going alone anyways... but as wired as I thought it would be and how many people I knew that were going... Continue Reading →

A Sight for Sore Eyes

The day I saw him after a long break he kissed me .. It, whatever this is, somehow has become more intense than even before we left it, although all trials of fading it out.. I missed him… I missed talking to him and kissing him and so much wanted to tell him about what... Continue Reading →

True to Myself…

Some people have an affair to be someone else or live a different life... some are merely bored or pissed of a current situation… some want to live some kind of fantasy... and others are just compensating what they lack in their real lives... ... but in some cases, that someone else and that somewhere else,... Continue Reading →

Married to an addict… apparently

One of my husband’s best friends called me today morning telling me that we need find a solution for my husband’s drug addition. For the longest time, I was trying to avoid this conversation with anyone or the actual fact that this problem exists; specially because this was one conversation I never thought I would... Continue Reading →

In his Car

We bumped into each other at a coffee place in the morning and we chatted for like an hour and then he said that he had to go... and although I was really tired just a minute before and all I could think of is a bed, but I'm stuck at the other side of... Continue Reading →

Unfamiliar Territory…

I am currently in an unfamiliar territory. A territory where I have and am showing more of myself than I ever have... at times it feels comfortable and liberating and at others it is awfully scary. It is definitely nice to have a sexual partner to share with all the experiences I have never dared... Continue Reading →

Help or Let be…

When you sit and watch people’s faces in any place in the world, you feel that all humans are equally pathetic and lost and weak… American’s, Europeans, Arabs, Africans or Chinese … Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Agnostic or Atheists … White, Black, Brown or Red … Regardless of our race or religion or marital status, we... Continue Reading →

Processing my Vulnerability…

One thing I have to admit is that it was undeniably the most intense feeling I felt in the longest time or maybe ever; followed by a cyclone of convoluted emotions that even after my panic, I still cannot process and barely comprehend and it’s been a couple of days. So writing about it might... Continue Reading →

In another Life…

I need you, I need one of those hugs that fill the soul with hope and love and warmth. I need someone who knows me, deepest and darkest and most vulnerable me. I need a support system and I know I’m never going to have one nor have anyone to tell me that it is... Continue Reading →

Desert Trip .. What would happen if I die

Yesterday we went barbecuing in the desert. It was a birthday of friends’ daughter who was turning 11 and decided that she wants a family and friends gathering for the old and young generation, so we headed to a protectorate valley in the desert for the day. My eldest had training that finishes at 2... Continue Reading →

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