What Were The Odds… !!

We didn’t meet again since that last time at the hotel room until a couple of weeks ago. We would briefly catch up through texting or sexting from time to time; him traveling with his family and I, with all the incidents and events over the past couple of months. Ironically, the first time we... Continue Reading →

Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

What is a loving relationship?

During one of my therapy sessions, a few weeks ago, I told my therapist that I do not think that I really believe in true love anymore and after you feel love for a child the rest is just worthless. He, my therapist, so patiently told me “because you have never been in a loving relationship before” and... Continue Reading →

Although appreciated… Attention is not what I am looking for…

People get attracted for so may different reasons; physic, personality, sent, hormones, tone of voice, early childhood experiences, experiences gained over the years, certain maturity level, mutual value systems… etc. Apparently there is a science behind it, according to Lisa Firestone Ph.D. And I think my choice of men has evolved and matured dramatically, however,... Continue Reading →

He managed to manage my expectations…

What is it that is expected from a spouse when their partner falls sick? It is not a rhetorical question… I genuinely don't know the answer to that! My husband of 12 years made me bowl of soup once… I remember it, because it was right after giving birth to our second baby. My hemoglobin... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

Taking Turns…

It was both of our daughters’ school orientation and I was dreading the fact that I’d see him there. His wife was out of town, which meant he would come alone and I was going alone anyways... but as wired as I thought it would be and how many people I knew that were going... Continue Reading →

A Sight for Sore Eyes

The day I saw him after a long break he kissed me .. It, whatever this is, somehow has become more intense than even before we left it, although all trials of fading it out.. I missed him… I missed talking to him and kissing him and so much wanted to tell him about what... Continue Reading →

A Soothing Kiss

I decided to tone him off during the winter holidays... I was traveling with family and he with his... and it was the best opportunity to try make this lustful attachment fade out, because like he told me a few days before we left, “i’m trying really hard not fuck up our lives”. So yes,... Continue Reading →

True to Myself…

Some people have an affair to be someone else or live a different life... some are merely bored or pissed of a current situation… some want to live some kind of fantasy... and others are just compensating what they lack in their real lives... ... but in some cases, that someone else and that somewhere else,... Continue Reading →

We met again.. Same place… less time…

So we met again... This time I asked for it, I was horny and I missed him! It took me an hour to gather my guts to text him, afraid of rejection maybe or scared that he had had gotten bored already or that I might seem desperate, specially since my breakdown last week. But... Continue Reading →

Processing my Vulnerability…

One thing I have to admit is that it was undeniably the most intense feeling I felt in the longest time or maybe ever; followed by a cyclone of convoluted emotions that even after my panic, I still cannot process and barely comprehend and it’s been a couple of days. So writing about it might... Continue Reading →

My Very Special Day…

So it was my birthday last Tuesday the 25th... A birthday is indeed a special day for everyone, simply because it marks a turning point in ones life; weather u have a successful or miserable life that doesn’t really matter, this is still your day your new year and yours alone. I tend to remember... Continue Reading →

Perfect Imperfections

I was at my weekly cards game with my three closest girl-friends from University. They were trying to convince me that I should start a photography business and that my husband through his critical destructive attitude has screwed my self-esteem throughout the years and they have seen how much I have changed... But anyways... I... Continue Reading →

Sharing Sexual Fantasies…

There are unbelievable highs and lows that come along trying new sexual practices and, for the longest time, mine have been locked in my own fantasy world. Aside from its morality, having recently unbagged the daemon that is exposing myself to another, my fantasy world has been coming out one by one. It’s absolutely wonderful... Continue Reading →

Drawn to Him

With lust and attraction for him on my mind .. it’s getting harder and harder not to get to see him and talk to him ... to not want to kiss him every time we meet... I haven’t had that for anyone in the longest time and definitely not during my marriage. There’s this unexpected and... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

In Silence we Kissed

In secret we met In silence we kissed Heaven be it or earth the vow is now broken How could the soul forget? In silence we kissed In seconds we stopped Could ever something so sinful feel that right? In pride it will pass the yearning, the hunger, and the lust In silence we’ll honour... Continue Reading →

In or Out?

Sitting here in the empty living room, he has decided to move out to our supposedly new place away from my mother’s realm, thinking about where I stand in this marriage. His theory is, we’ve been told to leave - I’ll get to why in a bit -, lets move out and then figure out... Continue Reading →

Can infidelity help a marriage survive?

While being in the midst of asking for separation and meanwhile liking and enjoying the company of another... I have been thinking about infidelity a lot... whether by a husband or a wife with single partners or for two married couples… First of all, I should put it out there that I believe that it... Continue Reading →

Sex after Abuse

For years I wanted him in our bed... I wanted him to come sleep next to me… to cuddle me and spoon me and kiss my neck while I slept... For years I fantasized about him coming in between my sheets … stoke my body and run his fingers down my back… as he breathed... Continue Reading →

Why I called him!

It never came easy for me to share my thoughts and feelings; it was always hard to find comfort talking and not think... I must sound smart for them to respect me... but I found a friend I can talk to. I never allowed myself that luxury during my marriage. A no judgment zone that... Continue Reading →

I’m still learning

I’m still learning how to not have expectations when u’re around I plan alone and try not think if ever u’re gonna join I see u make arrangements and wonder if u’ll ever ask me to come along   I’m still learning not to care Not to feel and not to show I’m still learning... Continue Reading →

Loneliness

I sit here in the bedroom, with something going on on the TV in the background. I have put the kids to bed after running the daily chores of motherhood. I wanted a person to talk to, but u had already told me that i'm a disruption to ur time. That my interruptions are not... Continue Reading →

The ‘You and I’ romantic trip…

Dear Husband, Do you remeber this trip? The one i was begging for for 6 years since we got married. The one you finally agreed to travel with me on when i was 7 months pregnant and made me stay half of it in a country i have already visited in a place i didn't... Continue Reading →

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