Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

Sexual Fantasies…

It was a warm mid afternoon, sun shining through clear skies. We sat there for a while after lunch, talking about life and pasts and sharing thoughts on different subjects. It was comfortable and peaceful. We’d kiss between conversations with slight and subtle touching… grazing my inner thigh… leaning in to touch my neck… tracing... Continue Reading →

A Holiday Fling…

Here's a story I will forever remember with a person I would probably never meet again... I met him at the dinner buffet ... we were both waiting for our pasta. He was due to go before me and didn’t know what to order… we shared a laugh and some small talk about what we’re... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

A Sight for Sore Eyes

The day I saw him after a long break he kissed me .. It, whatever this is, somehow has become more intense than even before we left it, although all trials of fading it out.. I missed him… I missed talking to him and kissing him and so much wanted to tell him about what... Continue Reading →

True to Myself…

Some people have an affair to be someone else or live a different life... some are merely bored or pissed of a current situation… some want to live some kind of fantasy... and others are just compensating what they lack in their real lives... ... but in some cases, that someone else and that somewhere else,... Continue Reading →

In his Car

We bumped into each other at a coffee place in the morning and we chatted for like an hour and then he said that he had to go... and although I was really tired just a minute before and all I could think of is a bed, but I'm stuck at the other side of... Continue Reading →

We met again.. Same place… less time…

So we met again... This time I asked for it, I was horny and I missed him! It took me an hour to gather my guts to text him, afraid of rejection maybe or scared that he had had gotten bored already or that I might seem desperate, specially since my breakdown last week. But... Continue Reading →

Processing my Vulnerability…

One thing I have to admit is that it was undeniably the most intense feeling I felt in the longest time or maybe ever; followed by a cyclone of convoluted emotions that even after my panic, I still cannot process and barely comprehend and it’s been a couple of days. So writing about it might... Continue Reading →

Panicking after Sex?

How can any sexual encounter be so conflicting and full of contradicting emotions that at my age, with all experiences and traumas and tornadoes, I have never experienced something as such before? It was the most frightening feeling ever… I’ll take a step back and trace the day or days preceding and leading to it…... Continue Reading →

A Hot Gymnast…

Sitting outside my daughter’s gymnastics hall waiting for her to finish her three hour training is the most boring chore of my day... but when the light is just right one could see the kids training inside, which makes time pass a little faster and makes waiting there a tad more interesting. Today, however, something... Continue Reading →

Writing about Anger sometimes sets you free… and sometimes …

I haven’t posted anything in a while and that’s not because I’m lazy nor that I do not have anything to write about, on the contrary I have been writing a lot, …  it’s just that I cannot get myself to reread my writings. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic with petty repetitive... Continue Reading →

The awkwardness of reconnecting…

It is very strange when you grow close to someone and then you suddenly detach, and the more time passes the more awkward it becomes to randomly get in touch again. He used a word a couple of months back… disconnect... and what a descriptive word it is. As harmless as it may seam, it carries... Continue Reading →

Flashbacks of my Infidelity…

Two weeks have passed and I think it is finally sinking in. It was my first time with anyone else in 14 years... and it took almost 14 days for it to start to soak in and feel real. He’s my first kiss, my first fuck and my first (and probably last) crush during my marriage. I never thought... Continue Reading →

I cried when he touched me…

I only wanted to say no, but didn’t… I couldn’t stop imagining his reaction to the rejection... the looks of anger and disappointment after... the guilt trips; that I am turning every good moment into a negative... the blame; that I am the one who doesn’t want or know how to enjoy the moment. I... Continue Reading →

No more meaningless Sex with him

He came on to me last night... I was so horny yet frustrated at the same time. I did want to … but I didn’t want him… and we were not ok … He woke me up, from a wet erotic threesome dream, by kissing that special part right between the back of my ear and... Continue Reading →

Sharing Sexual Fantasies…

There are unbelievable highs and lows that come along trying new sexual practices and, for the longest time, mine have been locked in my own fantasy world. Aside from its morality, having recently unbagged the daemon that is exposing myself to another, my fantasy world has been coming out one by one. It’s absolutely wonderful... Continue Reading →

Drawn to Him

With lust and attraction for him on my mind .. it’s getting harder and harder not to get to see him and talk to him ... to not want to kiss him every time we meet... I haven’t had that for anyone in the longest time and definitely not during my marriage. There’s this unexpected and... Continue Reading →

Euphoria of love

You might get exited over a discussion together and you might also have a lot in common, enjoy each other’s company and connect on a mental level. Eat the same food or read the same books. You might even share each other’s values and spiritual beliefs. Share mutual respect and good communication... But is that... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

In Silence we Kissed

In secret we met In silence we kissed Heaven be it or earth the vow is now broken How could the soul forget? In silence we kissed In seconds we stopped Could ever something so sinful feel that right? In pride it will pass the yearning, the hunger, and the lust In silence we’ll honour... Continue Reading →

Gratefulness of feeling respected

I was one step away from breaking my marital vows. It was scary, different and completely and utterly out of my skin. I went with a flow of a plan.. I don’t know how far i was going to go through with it at the end, but i took it one step at a time..... Continue Reading →

Can infidelity help a marriage survive?

While being in the midst of asking for separation and meanwhile liking and enjoying the company of another... I have been thinking about infidelity a lot... whether by a husband or a wife with single partners or for two married couples… First of all, I should put it out there that I believe that it... Continue Reading →

Sex after Abuse

For years I wanted him in our bed... I wanted him to come sleep next to me… to cuddle me and spoon me and kiss my neck while I slept... For years I fantasized about him coming in between my sheets … stoke my body and run his fingers down my back… as he breathed... Continue Reading →

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