When simple Niceness is impressive…

Suddenly he’s nice... suddenly he drops compliments and subtle flirtations and even jokes with me. Suddenly he’s sending me music that reminds him of me and even wants to help me find a job and a passion. He even offered to drive me home one day and helped me with a flat tire after a... Continue Reading →

Releasing my Sexual Energy with a Friend

A couple of days ago a friend of mine passed by… We ordered food and had wine along with a very long and profound conversation about our fucked up marriages and ended up talking about our sex lives during our marriages. We had very different experiences. For me sex was of the most important reasons... Continue Reading →

Cheers to all our memories…

This is how I feel now. I don’t know if this is going to change, or it’s only because I have pulled myself out of the drama for the past month, but hopefully not… because finally I reached a good place about all this. About a month ago, he opened fire on me. It was... Continue Reading →

She woke up breathless

She woke up breathlesstears socking in her eyes...and the pillow beneath her couldn’t handle all the cries Disillusioned by a nightmarethat hasn’t appeared to her in years Was it because her life has crumbledand the years spent has proven inept?Was it because she missed the lifeshe no longer could accept Being imprisoned in her own... Continue Reading →

My understanding of a Healthy Relationship… after years of Abuse

The idea of a stable healthy relationship has always been so far fetched that in my 16 years with him, all I knew was how much he hurt me and all I ever wanted is for that to stop, all I wanted was for the nice moments to last just a tad longer than they... Continue Reading →

Intense Callings

What’s the difference between liking someone and loving someone? What tips the scale... in family, is it the family bond? On a romantic level, is it physical attraction?… These questions triggered a whole insane therapy session, where I came to the knowledge that I don't really have those intense deep overwhelming feelings towards much in... Continue Reading →

Was Lonelier with him than I am without Him…

All through my marriage, I was always in the defensive mode. Shielding myself from the accusations, seeing my life through his needs and myself through his critical eyes and trying to be not disapproved of. I would see discontent in his looks and lay awake wondering what have I done wrong now, how can he... Continue Reading →

I’m sorry the walls between reality and your innocence are fading…

We always want to show our children the best of the world, the kindness of the world, the beauty and positive, the love and compassion, the laughter and the passion. And when the cruel realities of life show itself in any form, we try to cover their eyes, shield them from the pain. They are... Continue Reading →

Missing You Tonight

I miss you… and it’s fucked-up I know,‘cause you’re not mine to miss or want or crave… but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile..I miss giving myself to you… and feel it meltingI miss staring in your eyes without distress…I miss flirting and laughing and … the silence Do you... Continue Reading →

Relinquishing Control

I am with the kids all of damn time, I gave up everything to be hands on with them, but I am drained and over exhausted and sadly cannot stand hearing my own voice nagging and begging and trying to talk to two girls with all their complaints and requests and dramas at once any... Continue Reading →

I just was not into him…

A friend of mine passed by today to drop off a book; the same friend who I enjoyed flirting with and leading on a few months back. I haven’t seen him since the last time we kissed in his car and had no interest on doing so either, however a few days ago we started... Continue Reading →

He planted fear in me…

He came the other day and asked me if I wanted to talk. I had nothing to talk about, or maybe I have too much to say that it just feels useless to do so, discuss issues I have already discussed over and over before and state the obvious. I had nothing that I could... Continue Reading →

A Car to Wait in…

As I was driving the kids back from training today, I started crying… I had already fed them right after training and put them in their PJs in the car, so they would fall asleep on their way back. I remembered an evening last winter; it was pouring rain and I was sitting in the... Continue Reading →

Single Parenting is killing my Essence…

I’m done with the kids birthday season… and I’m so damn exhausted. It’s not that it’s hard, but I just hate doing all this alone. I’m tired of being a single parent during or outside the marriage, with a supposedly partner who doesn’t contribute. Ohhh yes he pays for it, but that’s it. He comes... Continue Reading →

Marriage and Romanticism Survivor

I survived 13 years of marriage... not in the sense that marriage is hard and I managed to make it work, but like people survive cancer… I am a marriage survivor! It was like going through an enchanted forest, and found myself fighting daemons and mutants and shape shifters and goblins and zombies and elves...... Continue Reading →

Anniversary Dinner

He texted the night before that he wants to invite me to an evening and night together… I was dreading that he would, although not in 6 years have we went out to celebrate that day; actually it’s been 6 years since we went out for dinner at all. I felt very weird about it,... Continue Reading →

Women like to Hunt and Chase too…

I went out with an old work colleague for drinks… We usually catch up every now and then over the phone or texting; recommend books, interesting video talks and articles, talk about life, but we decided to meet up, something I don’t usually do, go out with a guy for drinks, and I have never... Continue Reading →

Weightless Passion

Although, but not long ago I was naked in his arms and him in mine, I crave for him still. I crave for that bond, for that intimacy, for having him let go to me and with me... Once the storm of every day passes, and the silence comes, I feel the tsunami of longing... Continue Reading →

Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

Family Pillar Crumbling…

In order not to regret going on any anger spree, I have been letting it eat me alive! Nevertheless, I have been extremely angry these past weeks ... and that is not who I am... I am not one to get anger triggered that easily and if I do, I usually could easily control my... Continue Reading →

I am definitely giving him Mixed Signals… Hoovering Part II

As I was picking up my daughter from his place yesterday… he decided to come with us in the car back home… some excuse about not being able to work at his place. I didn’t really understand but I didn’t really ask... It was an awkward day already and mind was totally else where. We... Continue Reading →

Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

An Afternoon Sex Date… left me wanting more

I have been trying to find words to describe that afternoon… It was certainly, passionate and erotic and hot, but it wasn’t just that, it was much more than just mundane sex. I was trying to make sense of it all, but today it struck me… You know that feeling you get when you step... Continue Reading →

My Best Friend of over 20 years tried to Kiss Me!

Later that night, one of my oldest friends called and wanted to talk, so I invited him over for some drinks at the bar downstairs in the hotel where I was staying... of course I had to make up a lie about why I was staying at a hotel while my apartment is kids-free for... Continue Reading →

Flashing the Delivery Guy…

Growing up and living in a third world country, I hated the fact that I would not be able to ever walk down the street without someone making some kind of sexual advances towards me, either looks or filthy innuendos. I have been harassed, hit on, groped, and given that I am going to fuck... Continue Reading →

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