Marriage and Romanticism Survivor

I survived 13 years of marriage... not in the sense that marriage is hard and I managed to make it work, but like people survive cancer… I am a marriage survivor! It was like going through an enchanted forest, and found myself fighting daemons and mutants and shape shifters and goblins and zombies and elves...... Continue Reading →

Anniversary Dinner

He texted the night before that he wants to invite me to an evening and night together… I was dreading that he would, although not in 6 years have we went out to celebrate that day; actually it’s been 6 years since we went out for dinner at all. I felt very weird about it,... Continue Reading →

Women like to Hunt and Chase too…

I went out with an old work colleague for drinks… We usually catch up every now and then over the phone or texting; recommend books, interesting video talks and articles, talk about life, but we decided to meet up, something I don’t usually do, go out with a guy for drinks, and I have never... Continue Reading →

Weightless Passion

Although, but not long ago I was naked in his arms and him in mine, I crave for him still. I crave for that bond, for that intimacy, for having him let go to me and with me... Once the storm of every day passes, and the silence comes, I feel the tsunami of longing... Continue Reading →

Being the Good Girl is draining!

Do I have to, from now on because my sister bailed, always be the good daughter, the dependable one, the responsible, the respectable one? … The one who is there for my parents all the time? The one who has to help get my mother out of her brutal angry depression, answer her every call... Continue Reading →

Family Pillar Crumbling…

In order not to regret going on any anger spree, I have been letting it eat me alive! Nevertheless, I have been extremely angry these past weeks ... and that is not who I am... I am not one to get anger triggered that easily and if I do, I usually could easily control my... Continue Reading →

What Were The Odds… !!

We didn’t meet again since that last time at the hotel room until a couple of weeks ago. We would briefly catch up through texting or sexting from time to time; him traveling with his family and I, with all the incidents and events over the past couple of months. Ironically, the first time we... Continue Reading →

I am definitely giving him Mixed Signals… Hoovering Part II

As I was picking up my daughter from his place yesterday… he decided to come with us in the car back home… some excuse about not being able to work at his place. I didn’t really understand but I didn’t really ask... It was an awkward day already and mind was totally else where. We... Continue Reading →

Why it was terrifying to say “I love you”

I say it to my family, my kids and my dog all the time. I even say it to my friends and every now to random strangers that for any reason brightened my day. But when it came to someone I was actually developing heavy feelings for it was really hard and scary to admit…... Continue Reading →

My Best Friend of over 20 years tried to Kiss Me!

Later that night, one of my oldest friends called and wanted to talk, so I invited him over for some drinks at the bar downstairs in the hotel where I was staying... of course I had to make up a lie about why I was staying at a hotel while my apartment is kids-free for... Continue Reading →

An Afternoon Sex Date… left me wanting more

I have been trying to find words to describe that afternoon… It was certainly, passionate and erotic and hot, but it wasn’t just that, it was much more than just mundane sex. I was trying to make sense of it all, but today it struck me… You know that feeling you get when you step... Continue Reading →

Flashing the Delivery Guy…

Growing up and living in a third world country, I hated the fact that I would not be able to ever walk down the street without someone making some kind of sexual advances towards me, either looks or filthy innuendos. I have been harassed, hit on, groped, and given that I am going to fuck... Continue Reading →

What are you waiting for? Divorce him already!

People keep asking me why don’t I just divorce him already and get it over with... What are you waiting for? It's been three months since he moved out! They tend to assume that because I am not insisting and pushing for a divorce that I still want him, or that I am keeping the... Continue Reading →

Understanding Guilt…

Someone I got to know recently got me flowers yesterday… it was a thank you he said. Well, he didn't say why, but I think maybe for helping him out with a conversation he was afraid to have and/or maybe also because I got him to his first yoga class, which he dreaded to begin… I... Continue Reading →

A Narcissist’s Reaction to Separation…

Well I believe that all of us have traces of narcissistic traits, but some just have it so pronounced... My dear old husband texted me the other day and stayed texting for 8 hours… 8 continues hours of hateful messages filled with pain but stuffed with angry and extremely hurtful and insulting words, bringing up 12... Continue Reading →

I jumped…

I just held my breath and jumped… and for the past week I feel like I am still in the air… can barely grasp for air, it’s like oxygen refuses to go in, I feel disoriented and angry and scared and have no idea what is waiting for me at the bottom of that jump.... Continue Reading →

Flirting is Empowering…

For the first time ever…  I flirted my way into getting something done. Two days ago, I flirted my way into renewing my driver’s license, and if you have ever lived in a third world country you would know that bureaucracy and bribes are the heart of getting any paper done, let alone renewing a... Continue Reading →

Missing you Tonight…

I miss you... and it’s fucked-up I know, ‘cause you're not mine to miss or want or crave... but I do! I miss your scent, your touch and your smile.. I miss giving myself to you… and feel it melting I miss staring in your eyes without distress... I miss flirting and laughing and ...... Continue Reading →

His death was like Therapy.. May he rest in peace

It was the most shocking news I have ever received. He rides motorcycles, but no not an accident, did drugs, but no not an overdose, he wasn’t even sick nor overly stressed. Athletic, positive, family person, loved by all… Last year like today a good friend of mine passed away at 39 years old. He... Continue Reading →

Who will Witness who they Truly are…

It takes a village to raise a child. Although that might not necessarily be 100% true, it would sure be nice. When and if I do find it, any kind of help is always appreciated and welcomed in my book. However, help is not it... I would have truly loved to have a village or... Continue Reading →

Taking Turns…

It was both of our daughters’ school orientation and I was dreading the fact that I’d see him there. His wife was out of town, which meant he would come alone and I was going alone anyways... but as wired as I thought it would be and how many people I knew that were going... Continue Reading →

A Soothing Kiss

I decided to tone him off during the winter holidays... I was traveling with family and he with his... and it was the best opportunity to try make this lustful attachment fade out, because like he told me a few days before we left, “i’m trying really hard not fuck up our lives”. So yes,... Continue Reading →

True to Myself…

Some people have an affair to be someone else or live a different life... some are merely bored or pissed of a current situation… some want to live some kind of fantasy... and others are just compensating what they lack in their real lives... ... but in some cases, that someone else and that somewhere else,... Continue Reading →

He lives on a cloud of recklessness…

As I was skimming through my emails one morning before getting out of bed, I found tickets booked for a trip to Germany for all four of us, him, the kids and myself. We had talked about it very very briefly about a month ago... about the possibility of traveling and when the kids have... Continue Reading →

Married to an addict… apparently

One of my husband’s best friends called me today morning telling me that we need find a solution for my husband’s drug addition. For the longest time, I was trying to avoid this conversation with anyone or the actual fact that this problem exists; specially because this was one conversation I never thought I would... Continue Reading →

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