An Afternoon Sex Date… left me wanting more

I have been trying to find words to describe that afternoon… It was certainly, passionate and erotic and hot, but it wasn’t just that, it was much more than just mundane sex. I was trying to make sense of it all, but today it struck me… You know that feeling you get when you step... Continue Reading →

Flashing the Delivery Guy…

Growing up and living in a third world country, I hated the fact that I would not be able to ever walk down the street without someone making some kind of sexual advances towards me, either looks or filthy innuendos. I have been harassed, hit on, groped, and given that I am going to fuck... Continue Reading →

Becoming aware of my Inner Critics

I have recently become aware that I have three ghosts in my life… One, is floating near the corner of my head. She is constantly whispering in my ear to watch out for judgments… warning me from the scrutinisation I am going to receive for my decisions or actions… cautioning me that whatever choice I... Continue Reading →

Panicking after Sex?

How can any sexual encounter be so conflicting and full of contradicting emotions that at my age, with all experiences and traumas and tornadoes, I have never experienced something as such before? It was the most frightening feeling ever… I’ll take a step back and trace the day or days preceding and leading to it…... Continue Reading →

In another Life…

I need you, I need one of those hugs that fill the soul with hope and love and warmth. I need someone who knows me, deepest and darkest and most vulnerable me. I need a support system and I know I’m never going to have one nor have anyone to tell me that it is... Continue Reading →

Writing about Anger sometimes sets you free… and sometimes …

I haven’t posted anything in a while and that’s not because I’m lazy nor that I do not have anything to write about, on the contrary I have been writing a lot, …  it’s just that I cannot get myself to reread my writings. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic with petty repetitive... Continue Reading →

Giving someone their Space

Giving someone space means that you are giving them away-time for themselves; time to reflect, decide, consider options and/or focus on themselves, without you being a distraction to their thoughts. And I am… I am honouring his need for disconnection, though it is tougher and stranger than I thought it would be, with the missing... Continue Reading →

Lost my ability to identify Abuse

After years of emotional and verbal abuse, I believe I have lost the ability to understand the difference between an abusive controlling relationship and regular relationship conflicts... I have lived in the abnormal for so long that my inner scale to tell what is normal behavior and what isn’t has completely lost its balance. Where... Continue Reading →

I Crave Him

You know that feeling when you crave something so bad that you can smell it or taste or feel its texture between you fingertips... I’m craving for him I crave a touch I have only dreamt about but never experienced... I crave him in me, around me and all over me… I crave a bond... Continue Reading →

Taking the Decision

In Paulo Coelho’s book, Adultery; a book about a women who has this supposedly perfect life, but apathetic about it, and starts an affair she says: “Today I am a woman torn between the terror that everything might change and the equal terror that everything might carry on exactly the same for the rest of... Continue Reading →

My Secret Meditation Technique..

I have been trying to meditate for years... My thoughts always took over and I could barely breath till 3 before my active brain rushed with all the random and not so random thoughts... I tried the mantra meditation, it lasts a tad longer, but then it becomes repetitive that my thoughts sneak up on... Continue Reading →

My Devil’s Advocate Conversation

I am hesitant and indecisive and I just realised (although being constantly told otherwise in the past) that it is not because I am weak ... it’s merely because I involve other people in my decisions in my head! I fear judgment, which is a big part of it... and I fear all the negative possibilities that... Continue Reading →

My Financial Independence

I saw this quote today and it brought sadness to my soul.. I was always taught that jealousy or envy is the worst trait anyone would possess. It eats you up and we should always be proud of other people’s success. But I can’t help myself lately... Whenever I find other people excelling at their... Continue Reading →

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