Self-destruction runs in the Family..

What is wrong with the both of us? What made us so self-disrespectful? How did both of us turn out to be so fucked up? Was is the way we were raised? Our parents loved us both so much, they have literally sacrificed every ounce of time and energy for us, were never stingy on... Continue Reading →

Learning to Listen to Children…

Stop crying… it is not worth it… calm down… don’t be disappointed… These are words I have been hearing many parents tell their children, these are words I have been told myself as a child. I was 14 years old when I finally figured out that my mother has never listened to a word I... Continue Reading →

More Lustful in the Fall

There is something about Autumn nights that turn me on, although according to science men are hornier in the fall and women in the spring, but there is just that incredible soft brisk breeze and the open air that makes me have this strange unexplained demanding urge to be touched. It is that time of... Continue Reading →

A Hot Gymnast…

Sitting outside my daughter’s gymnastics hall waiting for her to finish her three hour training is the most boring chore of my day... but when the light is just right one could see the kids training inside, which makes time pass a little faster and makes waiting there a tad more interesting. Today, however, something... Continue Reading →

True Facts About Myself

There are certain certainties in my life that I have recently become very confortable with and comfortable admitting no matter how perceived, so it’s good to get them out there and admit them loudly to myself: I cannot sleep without socks, ever, no matter what the weather is, in my own bed or camping on... Continue Reading →

My Very Special Day…

So it was my birthday last Tuesday the 25th... A birthday is indeed a special day for everyone, simply because it marks a turning point in ones life; weather u have a successful or miserable life that doesn’t really matter, this is still your day your new year and yours alone. I tend to remember... Continue Reading →

Living under Gunpoint…

Living with an abusive husband is like living at gunpoint… he might get angry and fire his armed weapon anytime. The only difference is that his armed weapon is perpetually attached to him, literally… his fist, tongue, his petrifying eye contact… The weapons are many and the bullets are even more... humiliation, criticism, threat to... Continue Reading →

Writing about Anger sometimes sets you free… and sometimes …

I haven’t posted anything in a while and that’s not because I’m lazy nor that I do not have anything to write about, on the contrary I have been writing a lot, …  it’s just that I cannot get myself to reread my writings. It makes me feel so weak and pathetic with petty repetitive... Continue Reading →

A Stay-at-Home-Mom going Insane

It is difficult for people to comprehend, how lonely one gets when you are surrounded by people most of the time (well little people)… and how is it that I want to run away from the ones I cannot imagine living without? But is it mentally and emotionally exhausting and I don't even feel like... Continue Reading →

Married Single Parent … lost in that space in-between

Although we have been together for over a decade, raised children and shared a home, I don't believe we ever really had a marriage... we have never had a we or us relationship, never a unified position! It wasn't until recently that I was able to truly really admit that to myself that I have been waiting for this... Continue Reading →

The awkwardness of reconnecting…

It is very strange when you grow close to someone and then you suddenly detach, and the more time passes the more awkward it becomes to randomly get in touch again. He used a word a couple of months back… disconnect... and what a descriptive word it is. As harmless as it may seam, it carries... Continue Reading →

Flashbacks of my Infidelity…

Two weeks have passed and I think it is finally sinking in. It was my first time with anyone else in 14 years... and it took almost 14 days for it to start to soak in and feel real. He’s my first kiss, my first fuck and my first (and probably last) crush during my marriage. I never thought... Continue Reading →

No more meaningless Sex with him

He came on to me last night... I was so horny yet frustrated at the same time. I did want to … but I didn’t want him… and we were not ok … He woke me up, from a wet erotic threesome dream, by kissing that special part right between the back of my ear and... Continue Reading →

My Secret Meditation Technique..

I have been trying to meditate for years... My thoughts always took over and I could barely breath till 3 before my active brain rushed with all the random and not so random thoughts... I tried the mantra meditation, it lasts a tad longer, but then it becomes repetitive that my thoughts sneak up on... Continue Reading →

My Devil’s Advocate Conversation

I am hesitant and indecisive and I just realised (although being constantly told otherwise in the past) that it is not because I am weak ... it’s merely because I involve other people in my decisions in my head! I fear judgment, which is a big part of it... and I fear all the negative possibilities that... Continue Reading →

Why is he not leaving?

It's been 10 days since he packed and returned most of our/his belongings back into storage in preparation for the leave. We agreed that the kids and I would stay here (my mother's extra apartment we've been living in for almost a year a half) and he would leave as per my request for a... Continue Reading →

Euphoria of love

You might get exited over a discussion together and you might also have a lot in common, enjoy each other’s company and connect on a mental level. Eat the same food or read the same books. You might even share each other’s values and spiritual beliefs. Share mutual respect and good communication... But is that... Continue Reading →

Is this life’s payback for something?

I am not the kind of person who looses things. I can misplace something every now and then but I know where everything usually is. I arrange my clothes according to season, outings, sleeve sizes, colours... etc. I arrange my house, where everything has a place, with boxes and ziplocks for everything, extra screws and... Continue Reading →

Teach your babies/toddlers sign language

During my pregnancy with my first daughter I started to panic … well for many reasons... but one of my fears were that I would not be able to understand her… know what she wants or what she’d be crying for. I was always told, that I as a mother would know… how sure are... Continue Reading →

My Dream of You

I have lusted for you ... for us and the pleasure of desire became so powerful ... that even my subconscious couldn't resist... I fucked you in my dream last night… right there in the car where we were... It wasn't like a scene from a movie... it was real and passionate and sloppy… we... Continue Reading →

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