Flashing the Delivery Guy…

Growing up and living in a third world country, I hated the fact that I would not be able to ever walk down the street without someone making some kind of sexual advances towards me, either looks or filthy innuendos. I have been harassed, hit on, groped, and given that I am going to fuck... Continue Reading →

Amsterdam Invite…Part 1 of the Hoovering

After days of fighting about how much I have broken the family and that I have no empathy of what he’s going through and don’t care about his happiness... screaming about how I am now controlling his time with his girls when I am too immature, with no plan nor vision, to have such authority... Continue Reading →

The Story behind Affairs…Who Started it?

There has actually never been one definition to what counts as marital cheating, however regardless of how you would define it; porn, sexting, fantasizing about other people or a full-blown romantic affair, I do not believe it started there… the story of most infidelities starts waaaay before that. In marriage we tend to turn to... Continue Reading →

Another chapter in my parallel life…

My days of going to his side of town are over… my little one is done with nursery and I will not bump into him by coincidence during coffee runs or on the street anymore… no more car rides... no more stealing a kiss when no one is looking or hanging out for hours to... Continue Reading →

What are you waiting for? Divorce him already!

People keep asking me why don’t I just divorce him already and get it over with... What are you waiting for? It's been three months since he moved out! They tend to assume that because I am not insisting and pushing for a divorce that I still want him, or that I am keeping the... Continue Reading →

Becoming aware of my Inner Critics

I have recently become aware that I have three ghosts in my life… One, is floating near the corner of my head. She is constantly whispering in my ear to watch out for judgments… warning me from the scrutinisation I am going to receive for my decisions or actions… cautioning me that whatever choice I... Continue Reading →

Sexual Fantasies…

It was a warm mid afternoon, sun shining through clear skies. We sat there for a while after lunch, talking about life and pasts and sharing thoughts on different subjects. It was comfortable and peaceful. We’d kiss between conversations with slight and subtle touching… grazing my inner thigh… leaning in to touch my neck… tracing... Continue Reading →

Be Happy today… just for Today!

I decided to be happy and grateful at least just for the day. I decided to find pleasure in the tiny things around me. I decided not to complain about anything whatsoever and accept the suffering within me and around me as part of my journey today. I decided that because, I woke up angry... Continue Reading →

You suck, I hate you, I’m going to hurt you, I love you… Repeat

I am so tired of this rollercoaster of emotions he goes through and pours down on me every chance he gets... It starts with a message of how much I have fucked up the family and destroyed his life and screwing up the kids' lives and creating a dysfunctional environment for everyone... to he’s been... Continue Reading →

My Sister is a Wreck… and I feel helpless…

We have not been everyday close, but she is the closest thing to my heart... and I miss her and I hate that she has become so messed-up that I don’t even recognise her. She’s my only sister, and I know that if shit hits the fan, she'll be the only one in my corner... Continue Reading →

Understanding Guilt…

Someone I got to know recently got me flowers yesterday… it was a thank you he said. Well, he didn't say why, but I think maybe for helping him out with a conversation he was afraid to have and/or maybe also because I got him to his first yoga class, which he dreaded to begin… I... Continue Reading →

A Narcissist’s Reaction to Separation…

Well I believe that all of us have traces of narcissistic traits, but some just have it so pronounced... My dear old husband texted me the other day and stayed texting for 8 hours… 8 continues hours of hateful messages filled with pain but stuffed with angry and extremely hurtful and insulting words, bringing up 12... Continue Reading →

The Aftermath of a One-night-stand.. and Recreating myself…

Later that day… after he, my holiday fling or weekend-stand, had left, I got a strange feeling in my gut… I was stunned by what has happened, what I have done and how it did or maybe did not make me feel… I was also shocked by how comfortable and liberating and empowering it felt.... Continue Reading →

A Holiday Fling…

Here's a story I will forever remember with a person I would probably never meet again... I met him at the dinner buffet ... we were both waiting for our pasta. He was due to go before me and didn’t know what to order… we shared a laugh and some small talk about what we’re... Continue Reading →

My body remembers him…

It seems like ages pass by between one touch and the other and in between I don’t know who forgets about whom… or who longs for whom… I do miss him and I keep reminding myself that he’s not mine to miss… But, even when my mind forgets, my body remembers, it longs for him...... Continue Reading →

I like the Real Person…

Seeing him with his family made him more human... more real, not that he wasn’t, but he was just this idea of a person that is unattached to others… a concept. I was always latched to the moments with him instead, not the bigger picture of his life, and they... were only stories he tells,... Continue Reading →

Can Pride prevent a Parent from seeing his Children?

I don’t get how a father has such an ego to an extent not to see his kids… and such an audacity to claim that because I am the one who asked for the separation or as he so adversely puts it “kicked him out of the house and deprived him from sleeping in the... Continue Reading →

Belief System… No right or wrong

I never shared my belief system with anyone... mainly because I do consider it very personal and to each their own and partly because I could never articulate it… But one thing I know for absolute certainty that every truth about spirituality is refutable, where no one will ever know for certain whether what they... Continue Reading →

Dealing with the Guilt of ending the Marriage…

I had a dream of a wonderful and happy marriage, a relationship of passion and respect that I would be proud of... Perhaps a utopian dream or some over compensation from my parents' failed marriage, but I was willing with my whole soul and being to give it my all and to sacrifice whatever it... Continue Reading →

I lost myself in him…

I have always kept certain truths about myself contained from people, where along the years I learnt to play roles with people to either please or fit-in or avoid criticism or judgment… I wasn’t really my true self except with maybe a couple of people, which defiantly did not include my husband. In my marriage,... Continue Reading →

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